Nedelja, 1. IV 2007.
U ovom broju donosimo:
Neki tip je imao vremena da napiše tužbu u ime Pere Kojota…
Poezija Bore Čorbe
Blokbasteri koji će se snimati u narednih nekoliko godina.Najlošija imena za bendove (nastavak feljtona)
houldn't we give credit where it is due: literally to Ian Frazier, the very talented writer and author of the story posted by Wolfie. It and other short humorous tales can be found in the book "Coyote v. Acme" (118 pages) published by Noonday and carrying a cover price of $10. mr. Frazier's work can also be found in the pages of "The New Yorker".
COYOTE Vs. ACME
Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff -v.- Acme Company, Defendant
Opening Statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote:
My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a
resident of |
through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labelling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workmen's Compensation.
Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fifty feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering
on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa.
Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), prepared by Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures, contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head (excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four legs.
Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to support himself. With this in
mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid to mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case, two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety. Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.
Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. (For a full listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an expected manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the a butte and spiraling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the X. Mr. Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and then, carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue # 78-832), climbed to the top of the a butte. Mr. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate.
In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to nought, the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:
1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and muzzle.
2. Sooty discoloration.
3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in the aftershock with a creaking noise.
4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking, frazzling, and ashy disintegration.
5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.
We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D. Selected fragments have been shipped to metallurgical laboratories at the University of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date no explanation has been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release. Mr. Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon this prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.
To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within the range of the springs at full extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release. At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on
unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.
The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed. The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity. At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time.
The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues - a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion-like wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a normal social life.As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot long rubber bands. Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote had no other domestic source of supply to which to turn. One can
only wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in a most reckless and wrongful manner again and again.
Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation) of one million dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to reputation) of twenty million dollars; and attorney's fees of seventeen million dollars. Total damages: thirty-eight million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full amount, this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors, and assigns, in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law.
Spašavanje vojnika Ryana opet
Titanik 2 - Uskrsnuće
i Titanik 3 - Završno potapanje
14 ratnikY Man
Realy Final Fantasy
Đavolji odvjetnik 2 - Vrućina
Američka kremšnitaMatrix 4 - Recycled
Matrix 5 - Neo osvaja svemir
Matrix 6 do 127 - bez naslova
Gladijator 2 - Povratak iz mrtvih
Ljubičasta milja8 čulo
6 čulo - Remastered
Tri kralja i D'Artagnan
Tomb Raider 3 - Odbjegla nevjesta
Nestali za 55 sek.
Hotel od milijun eura
Planeta majmuna - Istrebljenje ljudi
Bram Stockerov Drakula osvaja Mars
Returns of The Mummy returns
Fast And The Furious - Threefast and threefourious
Hackers 3 - Only in DivX
Harry Potter i krevet užitaka - porno verzija
Friday 2 - Saturday
Scorpion king inda house
Indiana Jones 5 - Izvor života
Indiana Jones 6 - Mladi Indiana Jones
Bourneov identitet - Ponovna potraga
MI3 - world is not enought
5 vjenčanja, sprovod i uskrsnuće
Zameo ih propuh
Zamela ih oluja
Zameo ih tajfun.... itd.
Kako je zavrsio rat na mom otoku
Ona je opet sve to
Ona je više od svega toga
X-Men 3: Mutant's weddings
Austin Powers 4: Live and let shag
Ring 3 (američki): Samara vs Freddy
Petak 13, Dan poslije
Yet another 28 days afterDvanaestorica žigosanih traže vojnika Ryana
Sedam samuraja SKOJ-a
Star Crack: The long Pipe
Star Whores I: Han Solo the Pimp
Društvo ne baš mrtvih pesnika
Vozeći preko gospođice Daisy
The Boy Who could Fly II: Lost capabilitiesCtrl+S vojnika Ryana
Bad Band Name #209: The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
Bad Band Name #210: The Boxing Ghandis
Bad Band Name #211: Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
Band Name #212: Breakfast in
Bad Band Name #213: Bulimia Banquet
Bad Band Name #214: Cap'n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Bad Band Name #215: Carnage Asada
Bad Band Name #216: Cindy Brady's Lisp
Bad Band Name #217: Cortizone 5
Bad Band Name #218: Cottage Cheese from the Lips of Death
Bad Band Name #219: The Dancing French Liberals of 1848
Band Name #220: The
Bad Band Name #221: The Dead Kennedys
Bad Band Name #222: The Dick Clarks
Bad Band Name #223: The Dick Nixons
Bad Band Name #224: Dicky Retardo
Bad Band Name #225: Drunks with guns
Bad Band Name #226: e. coli
Bad Band Name #227: Edith Head
Bad Band Name #228: Electric Prostates
Bad Band Name #230: Ethyl Merman
Bad Band Name #231: Four Nurses of the Apocalypse
Bad Band Name #232: Fromage d'Amour
Bad Band Name #233: Gefilte Joe and the Fish
Bad Band Name #234: Headless Marines
Bad Band Name #235: Hindu Garage Sale
Band Name #236:
Bad Band Name #237: Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
Bad Band Name #238: Hornets Attack Victor MatureBad Band Name #239: Impaled Nazarenes
Bad Band Name #240: Inhale Mary
Bad Band Name #241: Janitors Against Apartheid
Bad Band Name #242: Jehovah's Waitresses
Bad Band Name #243: Jehovah's Witness Protection ProgramBad Band Name #247: JFKFC
Bad Band Name #248: Jonestown PunchBad Band Name #249: Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Bad Band Name #250: Kerrigan's KneesBad Band Name #251: Lack of Afro