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Nedelja, 19. IV 2009.

Logo Leteći bumbar #266

Logo Leteći bumbar #267

U ovom broju donosimo:

2. Reč uredništva

            Još uvek kasnimo…

2. Robin Hud i muškarci u helankama (4/4) Engleski jezik

            Citati iz legendarnog filma iz 1993.

4. Špigl - dvojnici poznatih

            Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti.

6. Anegdote

            Još anegdota

7. Реч уредништва

            Čestitke povodom Uskrsa

7. Locirajte se!                                                Engleski jezik

            Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Aljaska; 198-219)
Poster

REČ UREDNIŠTVA

            Nažalost, i ovaj broj će morati em da kasni, em da izađe kao dvobroj, a i neupdate-uje se sajt redovno. Verovatno će tako biti i u narednom broju, ali se jako nadam da neće morati da dođe do toga. Još uvek sam bez vremena na netu… 

            U svakom slučaju, zalihe tekstova i slika su dobro, hvala na pitanju (kucam u drvo). Časopis će i dalje redovno izlaziti, jedino što će moći redovno da ga prate čitaoci koji ga dobijaju na mail. Oni koji ga downloaduju sa sajta će malo popričekati.
            Kad se vratim na net, svi propušteni brojevi će biti uploadowani, i relevantne stranice će biti zamenjene novijim. Izvinjavam se zbog ovolikog
Rastopljeni

drndanja, ali nadam se da ćemo uskoro prevazići sve probleme.

Urednik

ROBIN HUD I MUŠKARCI U HELANKAMA

Maid Marian: Oh Broomhilde, look! A happy little bluebird! Hello!

[the bird lands on her finger]

Maid Marian: This means I must make a wish. I wish against wish, I hope against hope, that the heavens bring me a kind and wonderful gentleman who possesses the key to my...

[looks at her chastity belt, then looks at Broomhilde]

Maid Marian: heart.

[bird flies away]

Maid Marian: Goodbye, my little friend.

Broomhilde: Ooh, that happy little bluebird has left a happy little do-do on your hand!

            

Robin Hood: Rabbi!

Rabbi Tuckman: [sticks his head out of his tent] Who calls?

Robin Hood: It is I, Robin of Locksley! We wish to get married in a hurry!

Rabbi Tuckman: Married in a hurry? That's great! Hold on, I'm on my last customer. I'll be right out.

[goes back inside his tent, then something being chopped off is heard, followed by a man screaming. The rabbi comes back out]

Rabbi Tuckman: Put a little ice on it. You'll be fine.

[to Robin]

Rabbi Tuckman: Married in a hurry, married in a hurry! Please invite me to the briss.

            

Maid Marian: Broomhilde, there's a foul plot afoot.

Broomhilde: It's not my feet, I just washed them.

            

Napad mačića

Prince John: What can you tell me about Robin of Locksley?

Latrine: Robin of Locksley? Robin of Locksley? Hmm, let me see.

[starts cooking up a potion in her cauldron]

Latrine: Raven's egg! Blood of a hen! A little more blood, yes! Eyeballs of a crocodile! Testicles of a newt! I bet he's a transsexual now! Robin of Locksley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his family's honor. Little sod could be trouble.

Prince John: Are you certain?

Latrine: Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch! Me, I'm just your cook.

[serves contents of the cauldron]

Latrine: Here, eat that.

            

Sheriff of Rottingham: So it's come to this, has it? A fight to the death, mano a mano, man to man, just you and me and my GUARDS!

            

Robin Hood: [Robin and Ahchoo are fight the sherif of Rottinghams men] Watch my back!

Ahchoo: [Ahchoo litarlly leans over and looks at his back as a guard punches him twice in the back] Your back just got punched twice.

Robin Hood: Thank You!

            

Sheriff of Rottingham: Wasn't your... didn't your mole used to be on the other side?

Prince John: I have a MOLE?

            

Prince John: I hope's it worth the NOISE!

            

Ahchoo: [standing by a creek] Look, Robin, you don't have to do this. I mean, this ain't exactly the Mississipi. I'm on one side, I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical.

            

[Ahchoo is getting beaten up by a group of soldiers and as Robin who is riding his horse searches for Ahchoo, he suddenly saw Ahchoo getting beaten up by a group of soldiers]

Robin Hood: Ahchoo?

[the soldiers briefly stop beating Ahchoo and face Robin Hood]

Soldiers: Bless you!

[the soldiers continues to beat up Ahchoo]

Ahchoo: Man, I hope someone is getting a video of this!

            

Sheriff of Rottingham: [after Robin has fired his shot, hitting the bullseye dead center] Don't worry, Dirty Ezio still has another shot.

Prince John: But he hit the very center of the bullseye... schmuck!

            

Rabbi Tuckman: [performing the marriage] Robin, do you?

Robin Hood: I do.

Rabbi Tuckman: Marian, do you?

Maid Marian: I do.

Rabbi Tuckman: I now pronounce you man and...

King Richard: I object!

Rabbi Tuckman: Who asked? Excuse me, King. Why, if you like this guy so much, do you object to his marrying Maid Marian?

King Richard: I have no objection, but I have not yet kissed the bride. It is a custom, and my royal right.

[hands the rabbi his sword]

ŠPIGL – DVOJNICI POZNATIH

 Jasenko Houra  Meep

TLL - preuzeto sa niktitanik.com

King Richard: Hold this, Father.

Rabbi Tuckman: Rabbi.

King Richard: Whatever.

[grabs Maid Marian and gives her a LOOOONNGGG kiss]

Rabbi Tuckman: [impressed] It's good to be the king.

King Richard: Now you may marry them

Rabbi Tuckman: Thank you. Here's your knife.

King Richard: Sword.

Rabbi Tuckman: Whatever.

            

Don Giovanni: Ok, you want plain English: Robin is gonna be dead. D-E-D. Dead.

            

Filthy Luca: I will take these cotton balls from you with my hand and put them in my pocket.

            

Sheriff of Rottingham: Struckey has loxed again.

Prince John: What?

Sheriff of Rottingham: Loxley has struck again.

            

Ahchoo: I should have never worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.

            

Mačje drvo

Ahchoo: Blinkin - what's the fastest way to reach the villagers?

Blinkin: Why don't we fox them?

Ahchoo: Fox them!

            

[Robin has just been chained in Le Dungeon]

Asneeze: You are very brave for not a homeboy.

Robin Hood: Oh, thank you.

Asneeze: I've been in here for a while. Perhaps I could be of service. Do you have any questions?

Robin Hood: What are you in for?

Asneeze: Jaywalking.

            

[Robin is being made to watch Marian's wedding from the gallows]

Abbot: Do you, Sheriff of Rottingham, take Marian of Bahgel to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

Sheriff of Rottingham: YES I DO! Get on with it!

Abbot: And do you, Marian, vow to do all the stuff I just said?

Sheriff of Rottingham: [to Marian] Say I do, or Robin dies!

Maid Marian: I... I do...

[Ahchoo shoots through Robin's noose]

Maid Marian: NOT!

            

Abbot: I will perform the opening prayer in the New Latin. Oh ordlay, ivethgay usway ouryay essingsblay. Amen-ay!

Crowd: AMEN-AY!

            

Asneeze: I am Asneeze, father of Ahchoo.

Robin Hood: Bless you.

Asneeze: No no no, Ahchoo is my son.

            

Head Saracen Guard: [rushes into Le Dungeon] I just told my boss the good news and...

[sees that all the prisoners has escaped]

Head Saracen Guard: and... and I'm in deep shit!

            

Sheriff of Rottingham: He "deered" to kill a King's dare.

Sheriff of Rottingham: [realizing he said it wrong] He dared to kill a King's deer.

            

Scarlet: I hope she's still wearing her iron underwear.

ANEGDOTE

            Volter, veliki francuski pisac i najoštriji jezik XVIII veka, živeo je jedno vreme na dvoru pruskog kralja Fridriha I.

            Fridrih je smatrao sebe velikim vojskovođom mada na bojnom polju nikad nije stekao slavu. Zbog toga je odlučio da se ogleda na književnom polju. Fridrihovi dvorani bez prestanka su (i bez mere) hvalili filozofsko sočinjenije svog gospodara. Slušajući te razgovore, Volter se nije uzdržao, a da ne kaže:

- Kraljeva knjiga slična je njegovom maču.

- Kako je to tačno rečeno! – stali su da se oduševljavaju laskavci. – Vi, svakako želite tim svojim poređenjima da kažete da je knjiga njegovog veličanstva tako oštra i blistava kao njegov mač?

- A, ne. – odgovori Volter – već da je isto toliko dugačka i tanka. [PZ #880/1968]

-● -

            Upitali jednom novinari poznatog američkog glumca Reksa Harisona ko je, po njegovom mišljenju, najveći živi glumac.

- Oh! – uzviknu on – ima nas više!

-● -

            Francuski pisac i dramaturg Tristan Bernar primio je povodom svog šezdesetog rođendana brdo čestitki. Da bi zahvalio svojim mnogobrojnim znanim 
Maca i krbanje

i neznanim prijateljima, Bernar je dao da mu se odštampaju karte na kojima je pisalo sledeće:

"Među mnogobrojnim čestitkama koje sam primio, vaša mi je pričinila najveću radost".

-● -

            Na večeri priređenoj u čast otvaranja Automobilskog kluba Francuske, 15. IV 1896. godine Francuski fizičar Marsel Depre (1843-1918) ovako je završio svoju zdravicu:

- Pijem za budućnost kad će automobili juriti brzinom od 50, pa možda i 60 kilometara na čas, umesto današnja 24 kilometra.

            Konstruktor Levastr, zavrte glavom i obrati se svom susedu za stolom:

- Zašto mora na kraju ovako dobrog ručka da priča gluposti? [PZ #877/1968]

● ● ● -

            Jedan časopis iz 1866. godine doneo je, između ostalih, i sledeću vest:

            Nedavno su u Londonu mister Kolvin i mister Stenhop igrali partiju karata. Pogodba je bila da onaj ko izgubi priredi neobičan doručak. Stenhop je izgubio i zbog toga je svom prijatelju obećao doručak na 2000 metara iznad zemlje. Sutradan ujutru, Kolvin je došao na određeno mesto u Hajd parku gde ga je Stenhop očekivao ispred jednog vazdušnog balona. Ukrcali su se u balon sa Stenhopovom kuvaricom koja je nosila namirnice i mali roštilj. Stenhop je dao znak, balon se "odlepio" od zemlje i počeo brzo da se diže. Kuvarica je udarila u kuknjavu, ali ju je njen gazda umirio rekavši joj: "A sad nam pripremite dva dobra bifteka. Samo pazite da ne bude varnica jer smo onda propali".

РЕЧ УРЕДНИШТВА

             Свим православним читаоцима честитамо Ускрс. Христос воскресе! Воистину Воскресе!

 

            Katoličkim čitaocima sa zakašnjenjem želimo srećan Uskrs…

             Drhtavim rukama kuvarica je pripremila bifteke, mister Stenhop se tada obratio svom prijatelju: "Održao sam reč: 300Ł staje putovanje balonom, a 200Ł će dobiti moja kuvarica za pretrpljeni strah. Može li se pripremiti skuplji doručak za dve osobe?"

Maca na WC-u

● ● ● -

            Nikola Tesla je bio ne samo sjajan već i strastven matematičar koji je stalno tražio probleme – da bi imao šta da rešava. U restoranu, na primer, ne bi ni dodirnuo supu pre nego što bi izračunao koliko zapreminu ona zauzima u tanjiru.

            Jedne večeri kelener mu je na kraju obeda doneo posudu sa voćnom salatom. Svaki komadić voća imao je drugačiji oblik i zapreminu. Tesline oči su zablistale. Problema je bilo čitavo brdo – uživanje za strastvenog matematičara. Uzeo je olovku i uskoro je njegova beležnica bila ispunjena nizovima brojki. Posle izvesnog vremena kelner mu je prišao i zapitao ga:

- Nešto nije u redu sa voćnom salatom? Vidim da je niste ni dodirnuli.

- Zašto ne bi bilo u redu? – odgovori Tesla i ne dižući glavu. – Odlična je... bolje ne bi mogla biti. [PZ #881/1968]

LOCIRAJTE SE

¤        Vi mora da ste sa Aljaske ako… (SAD, poglavlje VII)

198. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
199. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.

200. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway.
201. "Vacation" means going to Anchorage for the weekend.
202. You measure distance in hours.
203. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
204. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
205. You use a down comforter in the summer.
206. Your grandparents drive at 65mi/h through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
207. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
208. You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
209. You think of the major food groups as: deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.
210. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.
211. You know what Bunny Boots are.
212. Having a moose in your front yard is a legitimate excuse for being late to school
213. There is nothing like Matanuska Maid… Who cares about Meadowgold, Dairyland and Viva!!
214. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
215. You didn't know what the word "county" meant, and we were never taught about "area codes"… 907 is all you had to know
216. You think bald eagles aren't that great
217. You know to go to Best Buy a month after a CD release because that's when it will finally arrive in Alaska
218. You wish seagulls came with a mute button
219. You can go to McDonalds and order off the $1.50 menu which they feel is equivalent to the $0.99 menu


Download, megahertz i flopy disc

Friz

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