Nedelja, 18. IX 2011.
U ovom broju donosimo:
Parodija na pesmu
Zafrkancija na upozorenjima na proizvodima.
Doskočice poznatih ličnosti
Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Ohajo, Oklahoma, Omaha; 3748-3799)
Ne moraš biti bogat i lep.
Samo kupi modem i prikači se na net.
Ne moraš biti snažan i grub
da uđeš u sajber svet.
Najbolja riba si na Fejsbuku:
plava, visoka i vitka u struku.
Slika na netu ti je prelepa.
Tuđu sliku sigurno si stavila.
Hajde da četujemo ove noći.
Ne vidim tebe niti tvoje oči.
Možda si ćelava, debela i masna,
ali na netu si krasna. (2×)
Šaljem ti sve najbolje poklone:
razna srca, cvetiće i smajlije.
Kada tražim da vidimo se
odgovor je isti i uvek je "ne".
Da nisi debeli psihopata
pun frustracija i kompleksa.
Preplavili ste internet.
Zagadili divni sajber svet.
Hajde da četujemo ove noći.
Ne vidim tebe niti tvoje oči.
Možda si ćelava, debela, masna,ali na netu si krasna. (2×)
Original: Tajči – Hajde da ludujemo ove noći
Tekst pisao: sin moje majke
Otpevao: unuk moje babe
Namejknuo muvi: brat moje sestre
Idejni tvorac: gore navedeni (tako stoji na klipu, pa smo morali i to da ubacimo)
Prim. red.: Zafrkancija na račun upozorenja na proizvodima. Članak je dosta vezan za fiziku i kvantnu fiziku, pa ko razume – shvatiće.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list of warnings appears below.
WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.
CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of 500.000.000 miles per hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty principle," It is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process know as "Tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the Universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the
primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next 4.000.000.000 years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the Universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the Universe.
NOTE: The most fundamental
particles in this product are
held together by a "Gluing" force about which little is currently
known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently
ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999% empty space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, Since the seven new dimensions are "Rolled up" into such a small "Area" that they cannot be detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical
universe, including this product, may one day collapse
back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
(The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of The Journal of Irreproducible Results. Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc. 3 Cambridge Center, Cambridge MA 02141; written by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky)
¤ Vi mora da ste iz Ohaja ako… (SAD, poglavlje LXXV)
You don't think of
3749. You snicker when someone's from
3750. You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!
3751. You've heard of 3.2% beer.
3752. Schools close for the state basketball tournament. Deer season, too.
3753. You're proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.
3754. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
3755. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
3756. "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south".
3757. You've heard of the "Great Nickel Beer Night Riot".
3758. You root for a college team though you've never taken a class there.
3759. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine,and Tuscarawas (Wapakoneta?) and you know which letter is doubled in "
3760. You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer.
3761. You know that Serpent Mounds were not made by snakes.
3762. You know what game they're playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.
|3763. You think of
four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with
3764. You thought that the Michael Stanley Band was the most popular band in the country.
3765. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
3766. "Vacation!" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall.
3767. Your idea of fine cuisine includes keilbasa and "Stroh's beer"
3768. You think the Antichrist walks among us and moved to
3769. You refer to
3770. You have to look at a map before you realize
3771. You think political correctness involves using the term "certain ethnic" when telling a joke
3772. Your second car is completely dissolved by salt by the time April rolls around
3773. The phrase "lake effect" strikes terror in your heart.
3774. You see nothing wrong with wearing white sox with black shoes, even when wearing a tux
3775. Party music involves an accordion
3776. You always knew you lived in the Rock n Roll Capital of the World.
3777. You have no friends because you're a
¤ Vi mora da ste iz Oklahome ako… (SAD, poglavlje LXXVI)
You can properly pronounce
Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah, and
3779. You refer to the capital of
3780. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash
3781. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
3782. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
3783. You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is.
3784. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
¤ Vi mora da ste iz Omahe ako… (SAD, SD Nebraska, poglavlje LXXVII)
You graduated from a high
school that had a geographical
direction for a name.|
3786. You know exactly what and where Counciltuckey is, and you stay away from it.
3787. You call anything past
3788. You consider
3789. You take pride in the fact that the Cheesecake Factory just opened; it makes you cosmopolitan.
3790. You know where to find the underground music scene, and mourned the loss of the Ranch Bowl.
3791. You cried when the Woodhouse car guy died.
3792. You know what Marlon Brando, Henry Fonda, and Malcom X have in common.
3793. You have visited the Amazon rainforest, the Antarctic circle, and the
3794. You worked at the Zoo at some point in your life.
3795. You've been drilled in school about all the useless inventions to
3796. You hated the idea of the overpass while it was being built and immediately loved it when it was finished.
3797. You pass 3 McDonald's, 4 Burger Kings, and 6 subways on the way to school or work.
3798. You have at least one Ted N' Wally's story.
3799. You go to Homer's for all your record buying needs.