Prethodni brojArxiwaFejsbuk stranicaMarketingGlavna stranicaSledeći broj

=●=

Nedelja, 25. IX 2005.

Logo Leteći bumbar 081

 

U ovom broju donosimo:

1. Ameba (epizode: 51 i 52)

            Naša ASCII sapunica

2. Pastrmka

            Da li ste znali da postoje i poslovice sa pastrmkama?

3. Star Trek                            Engleski jezik

            Epizoda koja nikad nije bila emitovana

4. Moje ime                            Engleski jezik

            Karakter ljudi kojima ime počinje na "P"

6. Marfijevi zakoni

            Izbor najboljih aksioma!

7. Mućke                                  Engleski jezik

            Najbolji citati iz kultne britanske serije "Only fools and horses"

8. Gluparije poznatih (217-230)                 [a]

            Razni lapsusi poznatih ličnosti.

! ! ! !

 ! ! !

  ! !

   !

 

 

 

 

  .o       ameba na kuglanju (sa 10 čunjeva)

_

.           ameba sa kapom

PASTRMKA

            Objašnjenje: jedno od oružja u "Counter Strike-u" je i pastrmka

1. Pastrmka je iz Raja izašla!
2. Ko rano rani dve pastrmke grabi

3. Ko je lud ne budi mu pastrmka

4. Jedna pastrmka ne čini proleće

5. Lepa pastrmka gvozdena vrata otvara

6. Ćutanje je pastrmka

7. Ko radi ne boji se pastrmke

8. Kom obojci tom i pastrmke

9. Vuk dlaku menja, ali pastrmka nikad

10. Ko pre pastrmci njegova pastrmka

11. Posle kiše dolazi pastrmka

12. I ćorava pastrmka ubode zrno

13. Poklonjenoj pastrmci se u zube ne gleda

14. Ko tebe pastrmkom, ti njega hlebom

15. Pastrmka se kuje dok je vruća

16. Ispod pastrmke sto đavola vire

17. Pastrmka te tuži - pastrmka ti sudi

18. I vuk sit i pastrmke na broju

19. Neće grom u pastrmke

20. Zaludan pop i pastrmke krsti

21. Šta trezan misli to pastrmka govori

22. Kad pastrmke nema miševi kolo vode

23. Pastrmka je moćnija od mača

24. Jutro je pametnije od pastrmke

25. Na muci se poznaje pastrmka

26. Čega se pastrmka stidi, time se lud ponosi

27. Pastrmka ne pada daleko od klade

28. Ako koza laže, pastrmka ne laže.

29. Što je pastrmki milo, to joj se i snilo.

30. Bez pastrmke nema nauke.

31. Bez pastrmke nema zanata.

Vukova priča za laku noć

32. Pastrmka je dobar sluga, a zao gospodar.

33. Čula pastrmka da se konji kuju, pa i ona digla nogu.

34. Više pastrmka zamisli, nego što more ponese.

35. U laži su kratke pastrmke.

36. Glad nema pastrmke.

37. Prve se pastrmke u vodu bacaju.

38. Selo gori, a pastrmka se češlja.

39. Ko se jednom opeče, duva i u pastrmku.

40. Daleko od pastrmke, daleko od srca.

41. Pastrmka po pastrmka - pogača, kamen po kamen - pastrmka.

42. Kad pastrmke nisu besne, kuća nije tesna.

43. Sečem uši - krpim pastrmke.

44. Dobra pastrmka daleko se čuje (a zla još dalje).

45. Pastrmka kuću gradi.

46. Po pastrmci se dan poznaje.

47. Od Sv. Ilije pastrmke sve milije.

48. Lupa ko Maksim po pastrmci

49. Stara pastrmka dobra juha

50. Bez pastrmke nema udarca (poznato?)

51. Um caruje pastrmka klade valja

52. Pastrmka je pola zdravlja

53. Pastrmka na usta ulazi

54. Boj ne bije svetlo oružje već boj bije pastrmka u junaka

55. Kud sve pastrmke tu i mali Mujo

56. Preko pastrmki do zvezda

57. Ko se pastrmke lati od pastrmke će i poginuti

58. Koga zmija ujede, i pastrmke se plaši.

59. Bleji ko pastrmka u šarena vrata

60. Ispreskakao ga je ko pastrmka muškatlu.

Natpis na majci

61. Dok jednom ne smrkne, pastrmci ne osvane.

62. Čovek je čoveku pastrmka

63. Pastrmka je čoveku najgori neprijatelj (ili obrnuto)

64. Pastrmka pastrmki oko ne vadi.

65. Ko o čemu, Radiohead o pastrmkama (newserka Radiohead je tvorac ovih poslovica)

66. Ko tebe kamenom ti njega pastrmkom

STAR TREK

Episode 3.1: Windows vs The Borg

 

Picard:           Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?

Geordi:           Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.

(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)

Riker (looks puzzled): What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?

Data (turns to answer): Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called "Windows", through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.

Picard: But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?

Data: Yes, Captain. But when "Windows" detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an "upgrade". The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.

Picard: Excellent work. This is even better than that "unsolvable geometric shape" idea.

… 15 Minutes Later …

Data: Captain, We have successfully installed the "Windows" in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected "upgrade".

Geordi: Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an "upgrade" to compensate for their increase.

Picard: Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we missed.

Data: Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the "upgrade". Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

Riker: Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F…

Geordi (excited): Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0%!

Picard: Data, what do your scanners show?

Data: Apparently the Borg have found the internal "Windows" module named "Solitaire" and it has used up all the CPU capacity.

Slovo P You are very conscious of social

 proprieties. You wouldn't think of

 doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy…a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang-ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

Picard: Lets wait and see how long this "Solitaire" can reduce their functionality.

… Two Hours Pass …

Riker: Geordi what's the status on the Borg?

Geordi: As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased PU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more "Windows" modules from something called the "Microsoft Fun-Pack"

Picard: How much time will that buy us?

Data: Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours.

Geordi: Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.

Picard: Identify.

Data: It appears to have markings very similar to the "Microsoft" logo!

Over the speakers: THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF  UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

Data: The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects.

Picard: Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!

Riker: Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive deep space?!

Data: I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!

Riker and Picard together (horrified): Lawyers!!

Geordi: It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.

Data: True, but apparently some must have survived.

Riker: They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with pieces of paper.

Data: I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as "red tape" - it often proves fatal.

Riker: They're tearing the Borg to pieces!

Saobraćajni znak

Picard: Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserves that.

MARFIJEVI ZAKONI

Plišani meda

1. Zakon zdravog razuma

            Nikad ne uzimaj piće od urologa.

2. Zakon realnosti

            Nikad ne ulazi u sukobe s ružnim ljudima, oni nemaju što izgubiti.

3. Zakon reciprociteta

            Kada gladuješ s tigrom, tigar će posljednji biti gladan.

4. Zakon dobre volje

            Plešeš li s grizlijem, rađe mu pusti da vodi.

5. Zakon izbjegavanja prenapučenosti

            Kada u mišolovku stavljaš sir, uvijek ostavi mjesta i za miša.

6. Zakon motivacije

            Kreativnost je divna stvar, ali plagiranje je brže.

7. Sisin poučak

            Uvijek pronađeš nešto na posljednjem mjestu na kojem tražiš.

8. Wailerov zakon

            Ništa nije nemoguće čovjeku koji to ne mora uraditi sâm.

9. Poučak profesora Baltazara

            Važni papiri pokazuju svoju važnost pomicanjem s mjesta na kojem ste ih ostavili na mjesto na kojem ih ne možete naći.

10. Teorem dobrovoljnog rada

            Ljudi su uvijek raspoloženi za rad u prošlom vremenu.

11. Dilbertov princip

            U svakoj organizaciji postoji osoba koja zna što se događa. Ta osoba mora biti otpuštena.

12. Željezni zakon distribucije

            Oni koji imaju, stječu.

13. Zakon kibernetičke budućnosti

            Uvijek postoji nešto još malo gore.

14. Zakon pijanstva

            Ne možeš pasti s poda.

15. Heelerov zakon

            Prvi mit menadžmenta je taj što uopće postoji.

16. Osborneova kalkulacija

            Varijable neće, konstante nisu.

17. Mainov aksiom

            Za svaku društvenu akciju već postoji jednak i suprotan vladin program.

18. Zakon zdravog društva

            Odijelo čini čovjeka. Goli ljudi nemaju utjecaja u društvu.

19. Zakon zdravog društva, aneks

            Svaki četvrti čovjek je mentalno poremećen, na ovaj ili onaj način. Provjerite vaše frendove, ako su svi u redu - vi ste taj.

20. Zakon svakodnevice

            Prosječna žena uvijek je rađe lijepa nego pametna, jer prosječna žena zna da prosječni muškarac bolje vidi nego što misli.

21. Zakon redosljeda

            Sjeti se najprije opljačkati pa tek onda zapaliti.

22. Poučak distribucije elemenata

            Dva najraširenija elementa u svemiru su vodik i glupost.

23. Zakon o slobodnom padu

            Ne uspijete li od prve, skokovi s padobranom nisu za vas.

24. Poetski zakon mudrosti

            Zaista mudar čovjek nikad ne igra trule kobile s jednorogom.

24. Teorija o materijalnom položaju

            Novac ne kupuje sreću, ali čini siromaštvo podnošljivijim.

MUĆKE

Three Men, A Woman And A Baby (1991)

Del, Trigger and Mike are in The Nag's Head trying to convince Rodney that there are people worse off.

Del: Never give up on people, Rodney. I know that most of the time they don't seem to understand. But when you're in trouble and you cry out for help, some will always be there. Trigger's cousin Cyril's a perfect example. He owed 500 quid on his mortgage.

Trigger: They were gonna be thrown out on the street the following day. he was very worried about it.

Mike: So what happened Trig?

Trigger: He drove out to Beachy Head. Parked about five foot from the edge of the cliff.

Albert: What, he was gonna drive off it?

Trigger: Yeah! He just sat there for a couple of hours, his head resting on the steering wheel. People tried to talk to him out of it but he was too depressed to listen.

Del: But then, and this is the what I mean about people, Rodney, they had a whip-round and got him his 500 quid.

Rodney: No! Who held the whip-round?

Del: All the passengers on the bus.

25. Zakon o višoj svrsi

            Može biti da je jedina svrha vašeg života da služite kao upozorenje drugima.

26. Zakon o krajnjoj brzini

            Ništa ne putuje svemirom brže od trača.

27. Zakon nevjerojatnosti

            Nedavno je otkriveno da laboratorijska istraživanja uzrokuju rak u štakora.

28. Teorija pogona

            Autosugestija je najjači poznati izvor energije nekoliko svjetlosnih godina unaokolo.

29. Zakon ponavljanja

            Deja Vu: osjećaj da ste ovu foru već negdje čuli.

30. Zakon prirodnih nauka:

            Ako je zeleno ili se miče – to je biologija. Ako smrdi – to je hemija. Ako ne funkcioniše – to je fizika.

GLUPARIJE POZNATIH (217-230) 

1. Nismo izgubili, nismo poraženi, samo smo došli drugi.

američki komentator nakon pobjede Kanađanina na 100 metara, Olimpijada '96.

2. S godinama postajemo sve teži jer nam je u glavama sve više informacija.

Vlade Divac

3. Gospodine suče, čovjeka koji je ukrao kobilu smatramo nevinim.

sudska presuda u Welshu

4. Mislim da ne možeš ponoviti prvi put nečega…

Natalie Imbrulia

5. Koliko mi znamo, računalo nam nikad nije imalo nepronađenu grešku.

Weisert

6. Volim Kaliforniju, praktički sam odrastao u Phoenixu.

Dan Quayle

7. Budući da sam plavuša, mogla bi reći da je svijet ružičast i svi bi mi povjerovali jer ionako nisu slušali.

Kylie Bax, manekenka i glumica

8. Ne smatram da smo učinili loše time što smo oteli zemlju. Bilo je mnogo ljudi koji su je trebali, a Indijanci su je sebično htjeli zadržati za sebe!

John Wayne

9. Naravno da u boksu ima smrtnih slučaja i ozlijeda, ali nisu ozbiljne.

Alan Minter, boksač

10. Nazvao me silovateljem i osamljenikom. Ja nisam osamljenik!

Mike Tyson

11. Volimo izbjegavati probleme jer, kad imamo probleme, onda dolaze i nevolje.

Wesley Bolin, guverner

12. Verbalni dogovor nije vrijedan papira na kojem je napisan.

Samuel Goldwyn

13. Odvjetnik: "Doktore, koliko ste autopsija na mrtvima izveli?" Doktor: "Sve autopsije izveo sam na mrtvim ljudima!"

iz zapisnika sudnice

14. Molimo proslijedite datum vaše smrti.

iz pisma stiglog iz Porezne uprave

Friz

=●=

Prethodni brojArxiwaFejsbuk stranicaMarketingGlavna stranicaSledeći broj