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Nedelja, 14. I 2007.

Logo Leteći bumbar 149

U ovom broju donosimo:

2. Iznervirajte cimera na 120 načina!            Engleski jezik

            Redakcija ne odgovara za posledice (drugi deo)

4. Olovka piše srcem

            Dečji odgovori iz istoimene knjige

6. SMS-ovka od sv. Vasilija

            Top-lista interesantnih sms-ovki poslatih tokom minulih praznika

7. Radoslav Čvorkov

            Zbirka lapsusa, bisera, odvala i uzrečica izrečenih na časovima matematike, informatike i na ekskurziji (1682-1720)

Deda Mraz

IZNERVIRAJTE CIMERA NA 120 NAČINA!

61. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.

62. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "Don't do that."

63. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.

64. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate protests, say: "The people have a right to know!"

65. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain: "It had to be done."
Smoking laser

66.Read the phone book out loud and excitedly.

67. Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. If your roommate asks what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box with you anymore due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her shadow.

68. When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell: "Oh, you're here!" Walk away yelling and cursing.

69. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.

70. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If he/she says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say bad things about your roommate at the funeral.

71. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say: "Don't worry. It's not what you think". If he/she asks about it again, immediately change the subject.

72. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug for about ten minutes. Then, look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.

73. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Damn road runner...."

74. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know what you did," and "Don't think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.

75. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.

Prie podne

76. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.

77. Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!

78. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them: "We'll continue this later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.

79. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.

80. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they're stupid and they don't know what they're talking about.

81. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.

82. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say: "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your... Oh, it's just you". Take off the hat, sit, and pout.

83. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If he/she protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.

84. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommate to let you back in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance of good manners.

85. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and mutter: "Stupid horseshoe...."

86. Carve a Jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the Jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the Jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the Jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.

87. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When he/she turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.

88. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think the refrigerator has been taking steroids.

89. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.

90. Late at night, start conversations that begin with: "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.

91. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about and hour. Look around nervously for the rest of the day.

92. Stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at him. Then say: "These zoos just ain't what they used to be."

93. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's going to be an earthquake, soon. While he/she is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When he/she returns, explain that the earthquake hit only one side of the room.

94. Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band-aid on your forehead, and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.

95. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.

96. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for few hours each day. Complain to roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

OLOVKA PIŠE SRCEM

             HRABROST

● Hrabrost je da ti udare čvrgu, a ti da ne trepneš

● Hrabar je jedan što beži da ga ne tuku

● Hrabrost je kad se ne viče: "Jao"

● Kad je u baštu vezano neko kuče što laje, a ti samo prođeš da si hrabar

● Hrabrost je kad neko vikne "BA!", a ovaj se ne uplaši nego ga pogleda samo onako

● Kad neko oće da te bije, a ti kažeš "Počni, ako smeš"

● Kad neko dira u pčele on je najhrabriji

● Hrabrost je lovac u čizmama i vuk u šeširu

● Hrabrost su pesme junačke

● Hrabrost je spomenik na ulici

● Hrabrost je kada ja moga tatu hrabrim da ću drugi put biti dobar pa da me ne bije

            Ko je hrabar?

● Slon što ima ovakvu nogu

● Tenkovi što mnogo puštaju buku

● Medvedi što smeju da spavaju u šumi

97. While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage can fire in the middle of the room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate objects, explain that you are just trying to get even.

98. Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.

99. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask he/she to apologize to the camel.

100. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they're for the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while he/she is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman did it, insist that you know what the Sandman's teeth marks look like and that those are, in fact, not the Sandman's teeth marks. Grumble angrily and storm out of the room.

101. Offer to shake hands, all the time. Immediately afterwards, go to the bathroom and wash your hands for about half an hour. If your roommate inquires, tell him/her: "Better to be safe than sorry."

102. Keep a goldfish in your room. Watch it for hours, writing down all of its movements and actions in a notebook. Then, one day, stuff the notebook in the fish bowl, and write down all of its movements and actions on the fish. If your roommate asks, explain that the notebook is a lot easier to keep track of, and doesn't eat nearly as much.

Miš

103. Use your VCR as a toaster, stuffing bread or pop-tarts into it every morning. When you eat them, complain that something doesn't taste quite right. Adjust the tracking on your VCR, and from then on rave about how good the food is.

104. Keep a plant by your telephone. Every time you enter the room, ask the plant if anybody called. Complain to your roommate that the plant has been making up wild stories about important phone calls.

105. Get a Pet Rock. Sleep with it, and read it bedtime stories. Every night, as soon as you turn out the light, start screaming at the top of your lungs. Explain to your roommate that the rock is afraid of the dark.

106. Get a trampoline for your room. Invite your friends over and jump on it all the time. Then, while your roommate is gone, get rid of the trampoline and draw a chalk outline of a human body on the ceiling. If he/she inquires, say that you don't want to discuss it.

107. Set your alarm for any time during the day. When it goes off, immediately go to bed, letting the alarm clock continue ringing or buzzing until your roommate turns it off. When he/she does, get up and go about your normal daily business.

108. Stuff yourself into a big plastic bag. Tell your roommate that you've contracted a rare case of the Bulgarian Measels, and you're now being quarantined by the Health Center. Tell your roommate you've been using his/her toothbrush.

109. Light firecrackers and toss them into your roommate's bed while he/she is sleeping. When he/she wakes up, pretend to be asleep.

110. Get a sponge and draw a face on it. Take it to class with you. Let the sponge help you with your homework. Leave notes to your roommate, from the sponge, accusing your roommate of not living up to his/her academic potential.

111. Make "small talk" with your roommate, asking questions like: "How was your day?" and "What are your plans for tonight?" Act interested and write all the responses down, muttering things like: "Hmmm… Very interesting." Call a local radio station and report the results.

112. Dump all of your roommate's laundry in the center of the room in one big pile. Burn it. If your roommate protests, explain that it was a sacrifice to the "fashion gods".

113. Wait until your roommate is very tired. Insist that you are a master of massage. Ask your roommate to lie down. When he/she does, whack him/her in the head with a baseball bat. If your roommate is still alive, and protests, say: "Oh, I must have done it wrong. Let me try again". If your roommate is dumb enough to let you try again, once more hit him/her in the head with a baseball bat.
114. Complain often about having a loose tooth. When your roommate isn't looking, stuff your 
Konjska glavobolja

mouth with white marbles. Pretend to sneeze and spew the marbles all over the place. Scream and run out of the room.

115. Come into the room with a fire extinguisher hidden behind your back. Ask your roommate if he/she has a light. If he/she gives you one, spray him/her with the fire extinguisher. If he/she doesn't give you one, spray him/her anyway.

116. Put an umbrella up, over your bed. Sleep underneath it at night. If your roommate asks about it, respond by saying: "A storm's a-brewin'". Then, one night, get a bucket of water and dump it on your roommate while he/she is sleeping. Get back into bed. If your roommate asks about the incident, claim that you don't know what happened.

117. Get a gasoline can and fill it up with water. Keep it under your bed. Wait until your roommate is around, and start running around the room. Then, collapse, and say: "Damn, I ran out of gas!" Crawl over to the gasoline can and drink from it. Get up, and start running around again.

118. Get two mannequins and keep them inside the room. Every day, dress up one to look like yourself, and the other to look like your roommate. One day, position them so that your mannequin is shaking the roommate mannequin's hand. Later that day, shake your roommate's hand. The next day, position them so that your mannequin is kicking the roommate mannequin. Later that day, kick your roommate. The next day, position them so that your mannequin is stabbing the roommate mannequin with a really big knife. Glare at your roommate for the rest of the day.

119. Keep a variety of bugs and insects inside a jar. Use a stethoscope to "listen" to what the insects are talking about. Act like you can't understand anything.. Then, at night, get up suddenly, turn on the lights, and start yelling: "Shut up! I'm trying to sleep! God, you guys are so damn loud, I can't hear myself think!" Continue complaining for about half an hour. Do this every night until all of the insects are dead, at which time, sob, sniff, and say: "I'm gonna miss those guys."

120. Get an air pump. Put the end in your mouth, and start pumping. Do so for a few seconds. Repeat this action every day, eventually extending the amount of "pumping" time to several minutes. Then, one day, while your roommate is out, get some blood, intestines, and anything else you can find at the biology lab. Scatter and smear these things around the room, leaving the air pump in the center. Leave your roommate a note that reads, "I'm sorry, I just can't stand living with you any more. So, I'm ending it all. Sorry about the mess".

SMS-OVKA OD SV. VASILIJA

Slovo G

otovo prava eksplozija SMS saobraćaja usledi na veće praznike kao što su obe nove godine, Božić, Uskrs 

 ili češće krsne slave. Prema podacima "Telekoma", u novogodišnjoj noći njihovi pretplatnici su poslali više 

 od 7 miliona sms-ovki, a sigurno ništa manje vredni nisu bili ni korisnici "Telenora". No, poruke su se kretale u dijapazonu od malih književnih formi do totalnih gluposti. Sledi top-lista (a u zagradi su komentari autora teksta):

Zaljubljeni glodari
14. Prijatelji su kao zvezde. Ne vidiš ih uvek, ali uvek su tu. Bog neka vas čuva i godina ova. Neka je srećna godina Nova.

13. Pogledaj zvezde, sve će ti reći. One te vode ka tvojoj sreći. Kad imaš sreću sve ti je lako, a ja ti želim upravo tako.

12. Želim ti jevrejsko bogatstvo, sibirsko zdravlje, francusku ljubav, englesku ozbiljnost, cigansku bezbrižnosti i američku sreću. (fali još i japanska vrednoća, kineska strpljivost, australijska preplanulost, senegalska muzikalnost…)

11. (No, tu se ne završava čas geografije) Želim ti okeane zdravlja, mora sreće, jezera uspeha, reke para i nijedne kapi tuge i bola.

10. Na tvoj račun broj 2007 uplatio sam 365 dana zdravlja, ljubavi i sreće. Mnogo radosti pri trošenju (ima i SMS fanatika)

9. Neka Gospod sa nebesa pokloni tebi "Mercedesa", a po želji našeg Hrista neka bude dizel trista – Hristos se rodi, "Mečka" je uvek modi"

8. Reci ovo polako: "Isuse, volim Te i trebam Te. Dođi sad u moje srce". Pošalji ovo petoro dragim ljudima i čekaj večeras čudo (ima i takvih gluposti)

7. U lepoti suroj, gde svetac bdije, čudotvorac Sveti Vasilije svetom rukom iz Ostroga blagoslov će tebi dati i gde god da kreneš neka te sreća prati. (baš se nešto i ne rimuje)

6. Badnjak se loži, vatra se plamti. Zdravlje i sreća neka vas prati i nek svako novo sutra bude radost Badnjeg jutra.

5. Nek Badnjaka iskre lete da najave Božije dete. Da donesu sve od milja, punu kuću izobilja. Zdravlja sreće i veselja sve što naša duša sneva. Duh Božića nek nas vodi. Mir Božiji – Hristos se rodi.

4. (U direktnu vezu sa svetim Vasilijem Ostroškim po ceni od samo 2,40 dinara stiže se uz poruku) Neka ti Vasilije Ostroški čuva tvoje najmilije, a ostroška vila u pomoć ti vazda bila. A Bog dragi nek ti reče: "Mir Božiji, Hristos se rodi!"

3. Ostroška vila ti mnogo dobra donosila, da Božićni dani budu srećom milovani.

2. Da krst časni kolo vodi, srećan Božić – Hristos se rodi.

1. A na prvom mestu se nalazi navodna sms-ovka Ratka Mladića upućena Sadamu Huseinu: "Magarac bio ko se nije skrio!"

[iz "Dnevnika" od 12. I 2007.]

rč

 

1682. Izvadi ga… 302. zadatak

1683. Pogrešio sam jer nisam pogrešio

1684. Imenilac je uvek brojil… pozitivan

1685. Funkcija nema preseka sa kod nas osom

1686. Prebacimo na trojku prema prozoru

1687. Sava će sad na taman ti na pismenom

1688. Funkcija gleda nadole i ima minimum

1689. To znači či da znači

1690. I jali ćemo da uradimo

1691. Sta stara pravila

1692. Školiko je X1?

1693. Delimo sve sa an a

1694. Ovo šad

1695. Zovaj zadatak

1696. Da ga završim do kraja

1697. Ti vidiš šta on kaže

1698.   A. Ptrojka

            B. Strojka

1699. Na čega se svodi zadak?

1700. Sedam polovina trećina

Autor: Nik Titanik

1701. Nemoj ništa da prepisuješ zadatak

1702. Onu koju metodu radiš kod kuće

1703. Predsednik Rume

1704. Nije bitno, a nije ni važno

1705. Ovde mora da se potpiše onaj učenik koji to rekao (U stvari treba da se potpiše onaj kome je to profesor Subašić rekao)

1706. Zamoliš nekoga iz onog drugog razreda da ti dâ. Imaš dovoljno vremena na velikom odmoru… a mislim na knjigu!!!

1707. Formiranje novu jednačine

1708. Stara Vijetova pravila

1709. Sakupiš svoji novci i daš im karte

1710. Fuvrednost

1711. Dobro sam loše rekao

1712. Drugo P1, to je imenica od 26 đaka

1713. Sštos

1714. Kvadratni trinom m

1715. Svako napiše tablicu

1716. Van le levo od intervala

1717. Ulaziš u learizaciju

1718. Hoću da to bude ispisano do četvrtka posle šestog časa kod direktorice na stolu

1719. Profesor Subašić meni može biti otac, a učenicima unu… deda!

1720. Miloševiću, polako slažeš… (vremenski period od 15 sekundi)…kockice!

Friz

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