Nedelja, 7. I 2007.
U ovom broju donosimo:
Redakcija ne odgovara za posledice! (prvi deo)
Dečji odgovori iz istoimene knjige
Spisak dečjih knjiga koje ne vredi tražiti
Čestitka povodom pravoslavnog BožićaZbirka lapsusa, bisera, odvala i uzrečica izrečenih na časovima matematike, informatike i na ekskurziji (1631-1681)
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.3. Every time your roommate walks in yell: "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying: "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say: "Uh-oh, it looks like THEY were here again."5. Every time you see your roommate yell: "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.
6. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it.
7. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.
8. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
9. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.
10. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
11. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.
12. Every time you wake up, start yelling: "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.
13. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say: "It's spreading, it's spreading!"
14. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
15. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell: "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.
16. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
17. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter: "Soon, soon...."
19. Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell: "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.
20. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply: "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."
21. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering: "Ungrateful little..."
22. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.
23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
24. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say: "Oooh, are you dying?"
25. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate: "Okay, your turn."
26. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say: "Oh, he's around here somewhere."
27. Tell your roommate: "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say: "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
28. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.
29. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.
30. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
32. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it,
| and then say, "Hey, where the hell
my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.|
33. Punch a hole in the TV. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.
34. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again.
35. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
36. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.37. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
38. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate: "Psst! Is it gone?"
39. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
40. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bull's eye.
41. Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says: "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the process for a few weeks.
Call your roommate "
43. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
44. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
45. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.
46. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say: "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."
47. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell: "Okay, guys, you can come out now."
48. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say: "What the hell do you think you are? A king?"
49. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say: "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
50. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies". All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining: "No, I want to watch them suffer."51. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.
52. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
53. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
54. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate's possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
55. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he refuses, claim that you have won by forfeit and therefore conquered his side of the room. Insist that he remove all of his possessions immediately.
56. Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, blood or organ donor).
57. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native-American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
58. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
59. Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.
60. Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about it, tell him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate. (kraj u sledećem broju)
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● Stranci imaju najbolje slatkiše
● Magični svet u napuštenom frižideru
● Dečak koji je umro tako što je pojeo svo njegovo povrće
● Tvoji košmari su stvarni!
● Deka dobija sanduk
● Tatina nova žena, Robert
● Radoznali Džordž i ograda sa visokom voltažom
● Trodimenzionalna knjiga o ljudskoj anatomiji
● Cmizdrenjem, šutanjem i vrištanjem da bi vam se želje ispunile
● Šta taj kuca radi tom drugom kuci?
● Zašto Viljuška i Električni Šteker nikad neće biti prijatelji?
● Tata pije zato jer ti plačeš
● Ti si različit i to je loše
● "Puk", reče hrčak… i druge sjajne igre sa mikrotalasnom
● Isprobavanje domaćeg padobrana koristeći domaće životinje
● "Tvrdi momci", "Barbi bliznakinje" i "Odred poroka"
● Babar meets the Taxidermist
● Započnite biznis-imperiju sa sitnišom iz mamine tašne
● Stvari koje bogata deca imaju, ali ti nećeš nikada!
● Mece Dobrići su gnjavili neke kampere i oni su sada upucani
● Kako postati dominirajuća vojna hunta u tvojoj osnovnoj školi
● Kontrola igrališta: Poštovanje kroz strah
● Mali slabić koji je pukao
● Da li ste znali da neki mačići mogu da lete?
● Kako staviti više čokolade na svoje lice● Gde bi želeo da te sahrane?
● Keti je bila loša pa je njena mama prestala da je voli
● Asocijacija poremećaja smanjene pažnje
● Knjiga divljih životinja severne Amerike
● Hej! Ajde da vozimo bicikle!
● Svi psi idu u pakao
● Dečji autostoperski vodič
● Kad mama i tata ne znaju odgovor onda kažu da je to Bog tako hteo
● Garfild dobija mačju leukemiju
● Bi-radoznao Džordž
1631. Ovo su kruška rešenja
1632. Ako šta su nule funkcije
1633. Napotvori novi list
1634. Ne odstupam od ništa
1635. U grafiku se držim ono što mi je on rekao
1636. Našpram nule
1637. Došao je trinom da li je kada je veći od nule
1638. Da li se važi znak jednakosti
1639. Možeš da kažeš da je nije
1640. Mogao je sa strane da izvuče zadatak
1641. Minus nula
1642. Spojio sam te tačke izdaleka
1643. Kratko i jasno: hoću da vidim da si od funkcije razumeo jedan deo i da si jedan deo odabrao
1644. Nacrtaj zvezdice da mi ne vidim zvezdice
1645. Imaš druga tabla tamo ideš kod nje
1647. Englezi imaju neki drugi tehniku su dobri, a imaju i dobre mat'matičare
1648. Današnji dva časa
1649. Doneću, sada sam doneo!!!
1650. Ko je završio, svi izađu
1651. Mala rast
1652. Kokako ćeš to objasniti?
1653. Preskačem pod 5 i idemo pod 5
1654. Stanemš tu
1656. Sa ovoj slike vidi se
1657. Ovaj delo je završen
1658. Mjedva se nazire
1659. Iks dva tri se penjem do tri
1660. Zja (ja)
1661. Ovo smo svepo razumeli
1662. Odavde pa do odavde pa do tu
1663. Funkcija je ima maksimum
1664. Sedi na švo svoje mesto
1667. Ni ne nešto naročito
1668. Da je kada je manje od nule
1669. Bez veze ne kod svih
1670. Kada je funkcija uvek je veća od nule?
1671. Šta štoji
1674. Akok tu pogrešiš gotovo je
1675. Zavidi koliko je slovo D
1676. Pradim presek
1678. Ova parabola je napisala koja je parabola
1679. Sležena kvadratna funkcija
1680. Krstan je to napisao bez neodređeno uopšte
1681. Ja mi se dobije p je manje od 2