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Nedelja, 22. VIII 2010.
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U ovom broju donosimo: 2.
FB fail!
Smejurije
sa Facebook-a 4. Mali oglasi
Pomalo crnjaci Razlozi zašto otpustiti Sanadera (dosta matoro, ali nema veze)
Statistika: tačan zbir netačnih podataka
Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Kanada;
1995-2029) |
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FB
FAIL
ošto
se svakog dana gomilaju raznorazne odvale sa društvene mreže
"Facebook", na sajtu
http://failbook.com/
su počele da se pojavljuju slike sa istim. Predstavljamo
vam najbolje odvale, a njih ima jako puno pa je lakše da ih
postavimo u tekstualnom obliku. Imena i slike profila su tamo
zamaskirane, pa ćemo
učesnike u komentarima predstavljati brojevima: (1), (2), (3)
itd. Napomene će biti crvenom bojom.
Status: u if anyone wants to find some trouble
tonight, hit me up *****
(2): Prepare for trouble
(3): Make it double...
(2): To protect the world from devistation
(4): to unite all peoples within one nation
(3): To denounce the evils of truth and
love...
(5): Shit, uhhhh... to extend our reach to
the stars above?
(1): I would like to tell you guys to
promptly go to hell. And none of you called me.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: Does anyone know where I can get
some sleep at? (2): eBay
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: u just got back from a surreal, yet killer
date! (2): You went on a date with a surreal
killer? (3): I typically don't kill until the third
date (4): Where'd ya hide the body?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: WTF? I can't find my math book! [ f ] [ f ] [ f ] |  |
Status: What colour should I dye my hair? Oh,
yeah, got a haircut yesterday too!
(2): Electric lime with flames dyed into the
sides.
(3): Electric lime with flames dyed into the
sides.
(4): Electric lime with flames dyed into the
sides.
(5): Electric lime with flames dyed into the
sides.
(1): Seriously guys?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: What does IDK mean?
(2): I Don't Know
(1): Ugh! No one knows!
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: My friend's status said "suicidal
and standing on a cliff", so I
poked him
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: We have 25 friends in common... Yet you
have 26 friends! Who is this mystery friend?! O_o
(1): Oh man... I have out stupid'd myself...
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
(1): Wow... this is kinda unexpected. Why do
you wanna be my friend?
(2): Oh shut up and accept it pluth. We f*cked for a year. The least you could do is send me Farmville gifts
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
(2): You should czech your spelling.
 |
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: LiKe ThIs StAtUs iF yOu rEmEmBeR tYpInG
lIkE tHiS bAcK iN tHe DaYs (2): No. I was never brain damaged.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: I need dog treats, please (2): We make homemade treats for our dogs.
Guess we should send you some. (3): Do you mean in Farmville or real life? [ f ] [ f ] [ f ] |
Čet:
- Smaraš! Tebi je dijagnoza F20... A o
tvojim padežima da ne pričamo. Ćaos!
- Pa možda i jeste, ali je opet veća
od tvoje koja je u minusu.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: (1) doesn't know anything about soccer, but
wants to get into the spirit of the World Cup, so: GO CANADA!!!
(2): Nice try but no. They didn't even
qualify, and they only qualified once troughout the history of the
world cup.
(1): Oh dear, the Whitecaps lost already? But
they have a new logo!
(3): Support South Africa :-)
(1): Continents are playing??? Then: GO NORTH
AMERICA!!
(2): Umm... South Africa isn't a continent
(1): ... doesn't know anything about the
world, either. :-(
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[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: Kathryn Obvious (2): Do you mean Captain Obvious? (1): It isn't Katherine?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: I'll bet you $20 I can get you
gambling before the end of the day! (2): Deal!!! (2): Wait... F*ck.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: Okay, who prank called me last
night? Realy? (2): Need your number again. (1): 225-**** (3): That's smart. Now everyone will prank call you
tonight!
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: Who else wishes that Steve Irwin
would get off his ass and start making new "Crocodile hunter" episodes? (2): I bet this comment is quite a sting to his fans. (3): It's to bad his sunscreen didn't protect him
against harmful rays. (1): Sunscreen? What? Is he ok? (1): Oh, my God! I just checked Wikipedia. Nooooooooo!!! |
|
(4): Haha! I'm guessing you missed the memo... Quite
a while back. lol It's ok. I just recently found out that Patrick
Swayze died too. :-(
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] (1): Dude, I am not in the US and I am not even
American. Why do you keep spamming me [political
candidate] stuff? (2): He's the only candidate in the race out
their to re-invent and re-invirogate public service in the 21st century. (1): Wait... Let me check again... (1): Yup... I am still not American!
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: (1) just saw someone carrying a giant
pacman... (2): Screenshot or it didn't happen!
>.< (1): I believe in real life we call those
"photos". |  |
Status: I'm getting sick of my stupid
account getting hacked and posting all over
everything for me...
(2): Maybe try changing the password from
"frank"
(1) (Frank):
I
tried that, dude, adding my last name – didn't hep either...
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: How do you revind a DVD? I read
the whole manual and can't figure it out...
(2): LOL! I do believe the heat has affected
your brain. Have some very cold beers, put your feet up, and rest.
(3): Jiggs! Serious? Get the remote, push that button that has two arrows facing to the left! Best way I can describe it!
Ha! U R so funny!
(4): Well, duh! You put it on your finger and
spin it backwards!
(2). Ya gotta turn it upside down first, u... If it's right side up then you are fast
forwarding.
 | (1): I still don't get it! Ha!
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: Cat who poops in my flower bed –
1. Me – 0. Round two, my furry little
nemesis! (2): So let me get this right. You are in a
competition with a cat to see who poops in the flower bed more? That is
sick! (1): Nooooooo, it's the score card. The cat
is winning the battle temporarily. He scored a point, I scored none
because I
didn't catch him. Onto plan b. (2): Plan B is to join him? (1): You need to get off the hard drugs... |
U srijedu će se u Saboru
raspravljati o povjerenju Ivici Sanaderu pa se "Politikin" bloger
Mrak potrudio sastaviti popis zašto bi Ivica u srijedu morao ostati bez
posla.
[prim.
red.: kad smo planirali da objavimo ovaj
tekst,
desilo se da je Sanader dao ostavku, pa smo objavili tekst na tu temu.
Ovaj je stajao zaboravljen sve do danas, pa ga danas i objavljujemo]
● Zato da bi Ivica mogao
posvetiti više
vremena uskom krugu od 352 najbliža prijatelja.
● Zato da ima dovoljno
vremena da navije
sve satove.
● Zato da se posveti
karijeri spin doktora.
● Zato jer svako malo
zaskoči nekoga
po hodnicima UN-a.
● Zato što sâm stvara
probleme i onda ih
odlučno riješava.
● Zato što se vozi autom
koji nije
ecofriendly jer troši više od 15 litara na 100 km.
● Zato što bi Hrvatska s
Ivićem, a bez
Ivice bila vjerojatno sretnije mjesto.
● Zato što hitrorez nije
niti hitar niti
reže.
● Zato što Hrvatska nije
dobila
organizaciju europskog nogometnog prvenstva (fali nam još stadiona).
● Zato što inflacija obara
sve rekorde.
● Zato što Ivica nije
gentleman.
● Zato što Janši još nije
vratio mobitel.
● Zato što je dozvolio da
na vratima crkve
bude njegovo ime.
● Zato što je investirao
200 milijuna kuna
u sveučilište (ali u krivoj državi).
● Zato što je obećao borbu
protiv
kriminala (barem tri puta).
● Zato što je pokrenuo
Hrvatsku, ali u
krivom smjeru.
● Zato što je smijenio
Ivicu Kirina
● Zato što je za vrijeme
dok je boravio u
Austriji imao auto s tablicama "SPLIT 1".
● Zato što je zadnji
veliki govor održao na
splitskoj rivi (prije njezinog uređenja).
● Zato što most prema
Pelješcu još uvijek
nije gotov.
● Zato što mu je jamstvena
kartica odavno
istekla.
● Zato što mu je treći mirovinski
stup
uplatio "Brodosplit" (jednom uplatom).
● Zato što na Facebooku
ima točno 66
fanova. ● Zato što ne zna razliku
između
Supera 95 i Eurosupera 95. ● Zato što nije išao za
govorne vježbe za
engleski, a svi su mu lijepo govorili. ● Zato što nije potpisao
ugovor za
Kanadere. ● Zato što nije srihtao
posao Bechtelu kako
smo se dogovorili. ● Zato što nosi košulje s
izvezenim
inicijalima (s vanjske strane). ● Zato što piše jako, jako
lošu prozu. ● Zato što pojma nema o
ribičiji. ● Zato što se izlaz s
autoceste u
Dugobabama ne zove izlaz Dugobabe. |  |
● Zato što se pretvara da
email adresa ivo.ѕanader(a)gmail.сom
nije njegova.
● Zato što se zove Ivica a
ne Ivo.
● Zato što smo u EU
trebali biti 2007.
godine.
● Zato što smo u EU
trebali biti i 2009. godine.
● Zato što smo u EU
trebali biti i 2011.
godine.
● Zato što stopa
gospodarskog rasta ne
obara rekorde.
● Zato što su u akciji
Indeks zaboravili
provjeriti njegov doktorat.
● Zato što u Veronu nije
otišao biciklom.
● Zato što Vlada seljacima
isplaćuje
poticaje za uzgoj duhana, a istovremeno uvodi zabranu pušenja.
● Zato što vozi Renault 8
iz 1967. godine
(bez katalizatora).
● Zato što za vrijeme
aktualnog sata jede
lješnjake prelivene čokoladom i briše čokoladne prste ispod fotelje.
● Zato što zgrada u kojoj
stanuje više nema
prizemlje, a prije ga je imala.
STATISTIČKE ZANIMLjIVOSTI
 |
Evo
nekoliko zanimljivih statistika na koje sam nedavno naišao (nemojte me
držati
za riječ da su potpuno točne) - Broj liječnika u
SAD-u: 700.000 - Broj smrti
uzrokovanih liječničkim
pogreškama u godini dana: 120.000 - Broj smrti zbog
liječničkih pogrešaka
po liječniku: 0,171 - Broj ljudi koji
posjeduju vatreno oružje u SAD-u:
80.000.000 - Broj smrti
uzrokovanih vatrenim oružjem u godini
dana: 1.500 (u svim starosnim skupinama) - Broj smrti od
vatrenog oružja po vlasniku oružja:
0,0000188 Zaključak: Statistički,
liječnici su oko 9.000 puta
opasniji od vlasnika vatrenog oružja. Činjenica: Nema svatko pištolj, ali svatko ima barem jednog
liječnika. |
LOCIRAJTE SE
¤
Vi mora da ste iz Kanade ako… (CDN, poglavlje XXXIX)
1995. You know
what "a Mickey and 2-4" means ("party at the camp, eh!")
1996. You don't care about the fuss with
1997. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway
1998. You drive on a highway, not a freeway
1999. You know that the CEO of American Airlines is a Canadian!
2000. You know what beavertails are really made of.
2001. You were/are in grade twelve not twelfth grade.
2002. The feeling of snow on your bare feet is comforting.
2003. You honour your country with proper spelling.
2004. You can drive 80km through a
snow drift in the middle of a
blizzard without flinching!
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2005. You have worn a parka and shorts at the same time. 2006. You know what a parka is. 2007. You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield". 2008. Someone calls your house and it's the wrong number, you apologize for not being the person they ask for. 2009. We can bring duotangs to school because we have them. 2010. You get mad at the people on 2011. You laugh when Americans think 2012. You are proud to pour ketchup on anything. 2013. You are hosting the 2010 Olympics in 2014. You have to fly to the airport to fly out of the country. 2015. There's German food, Italian food, Chinese food, Armenian food, American food, but no Canadian food. 2016. You know how to spell "favourite", "colour"…etc. 2017. You start to watch a show because there is a Canadian actor in it. |  |
2018. Contests run by anyone other than the government have
"skill-testing
questions" that winners must answer correctly before they can claim a
prize.
2019. You say "poutine" the right way.
2020. You know that snowshoes aren't tenis rackets.
2021.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
2022. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
2023. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
2024. You drink pop, not soda.
2025. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
2026. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic
musical group.
2027. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine
Dion, Leslie
Nielsen, Brian Adams and many more are Canadians.
2028. You know what a touque is.
2029. Winter. Whenever you want it. And then some.
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