=●=
Nedelja.
IV 2011.
|
U
ovom broju donosimo: 2.
Zašto
je motor bolji od žene? Nekoliko razloga 2. Fejs-bruk!
Smejurije
sa Fejsbuka 5. Ove
nedelje u bioskopu "Ode
on"
Promocija albuma: Lady Baba – Poker faca
Kratka pričica sa hr.rec.humor
Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Mejn, Merilend; 3001-3062) |
|
ZAŠTO JE MOTOR BOLjI OD ŽENE?
| ■
Motori traže samo da im zameniš ulje svakih 2.000 kilometara. ■ Motori traju duže. ■ Motori ne mogu zatrudneti. ■ Motori nikad nisu opterećeni. ■ Možeš voziti svoj motor u bilo koje doba meseca. ■ Motori nemaju roditelje. ■ Motori se ne žale, osim ako nešto zaista nije u redu. ■ Slobodno možeš nogom udariti svoj motor da se probudi. ■ Možeš deliti svoj motor sa prijateljima. ■ Ako tvoj motor pravi previše buke, uvek možeš kupiti prigušivač. |
 |
■ Ako se
tvoj motor izliže, sve što moraš uraditi je da kupiš nove gume
i
lanac.
■ Motor ne brine o tome koliko si motora vozio pre njega.
■ Kada voziš, i ti i tvoj motor stižete u isto vreme.
■ Motor se nikada neće buniti ako gledaš druge motore ili ako
kupuješ časopise o motorima.
■ Ako se tvoj motor probuši, uvek ga možeš pokrpiti.
■ Ako je tvoj motor suvise labav, možeš ga stegnuti.
■ Možeš piti pivo dok voziš svoj motor.
■ Tvoji roditelji se neće ljutiti ako voziš crni motor.
■ Ne moraš biti ljubomoran na servisera koja popravlja tvoj motor.
■ Ne moraš imati posla sa sveštenikom i sa testovima krvi da bi
registrovao svoj motor.
■ Ne moraš ubeđivati svoj motor da si ti motorista i da su svi
motori jednaki.
■ Ako opsuješ nešto svom motoru, ne moraš se izviniti pre nego što ga
kreneš ponovno voziti.
■ Motor se nikada neće buniti ako si ti loš vozač.
■ Motor ti nikada neće zameriti ako zakasniš.
■ Ako tvoj motor ne izgleda dobro, uvek ga možeš obojiti ili kupiti novi.
FEJS-BRUK!
ošto
se svakog dana gomilaju raznorazne odvale sa društvene mreže
"Facebook", na sajtu http://failbook.com/
su počele da se pojavljuju slike sa istim. Predstavljamo
vam najbolje odvale, a njih ima jako puno pa je lakše da ih
postavimo u tekstualnom obliku. Imena i slike profila su tamo zamaskirane, pa ćemo
učesnike u komentarima predstavljati brojevima: [1], [2], [3]
itd. Napomene će biti crvenom bojom.
Status: As we celebrate Awareness Month,
please copy this status if you know anyone, or know anyone who knows anyone.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: Thirty years ago today, John
Lennon was killed. This makes me sad.
(2): 2 days ago today I ran out of
Thanksgiving turkey. This makes me sad.
 |
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: I surrender to every word you
whisper. ♥ (2): *whispers* go make me a sandwich
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: I watched him die in front of me.
I watched it happen, I felt his pulse, he
was gone... And then, a couple minutes later... He got up. (2): You talking about your penis again?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] (2): That's weird. I robbed some old lady on my way home while some kid was helping with her groceries... Hmm... |
(3): That's weird. I hit some robber who was
robbing some old lady on my way home after I saw some kid helping her
with her
groceries... Hmm...
(4): Hey, my mom went grocery shopping. Has
anybody seen her?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: So sad my phone is broken. I can
only txt and call... So sorry I can't go
on Facebook from my phone...
(2): So, in other words, your phone has just
become a phone
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: (1) is in relationship and it's complicated
(2): With who? Your left hand?
(1): No. lol I'm right handed.
(3): That's why it's complicated.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: Finally some good news
(2): She's not pregnant?
(3): Charges were dropped?
(4): She's over 18?
(5): They making condoms in extra small?
(6): Your palms aren't hairy?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: The hardest thing to do is watch
the one you love, love someone else.
(2): How sad
(3): Try licking your elbow. It's harder.
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
(1): Imam pitanje vezano za BMW 330d 2001
god. što prodajete... Oprostite, koja je zadnja cijena vozila? Da li bi
uzeli u
račun nekih dijelova za viljuškare, 60m˛ talijanski pločica crvene boje, i
nešto pogrebne opreme – tačnije, 4 sanduka hrastova i 35 vijenaca i
suza.
|
(2): Druže, ajd pogledaj imaš li još
šta u garaži da
ti ne treba, pa mi javi
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: I have exactly 1 Canadian Facebook
friend. (2): That friend is worth 1.0168 American
friends today
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: If a cop stops me and says
"papers" and I say
"scissors", do I win?
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ] Status: (1) is single. (2): Lock up your uglier daughters and your
smaller livestock! |
 |
- Ju, ju! Jednom ti uzmem dečka, ti
praviš dramu. Prvi put se ne računa. Tad nisam ni znala da ti smeta.
- Baš zato... Kad sam ti prvi put rekla,
nisi smela to da ponoviš... Uvek si mislila da si bolja riba od mene, a
ti si
samo jadnica koja navata momke na svoje jeftine fore... Sutra želim da
si mi
vratila tigrastu majcu i rajf... Pošalji po Vučiću!
- Nije problem. Ko da mi treba. Spakuj:
svileni grudnjak, test za trudnoću (ako ga nisi iskoristila), mrežaste
čarape i crvene moje znaš već šta.
- Svileni grudnjak je praktično
moj... Ja sam ti ga kupila u znak prijateljstva i sada ga nećeš dobiti
nazad jer si jedna nula od prijateljice. A za ostalo... Spakovaću ti
sve
osim testa... Jer ga nema više! Kupiću ti drugi...
- Nemoj mi kupovati onaj jeftini što ga
stalno kupuješ! Ti si tako zla... Vrati mi grudnjak!
- Jeftino za jeftinu devojku. Zaboravi na
grudnjak. Sada kad je moj. Možda i ja postanem laka i smuvam nekog tvog!
- Nemoj samo Acu, Miloša, Marka, Dragana,
Mišela, Aljošu i Novu... Sve ostale možeš slobodno, a ako ove budeš
dirala nisi
svesna šta će ti se dogoditi u separeu.
- Kakvog sada Aljošu? Iz osnovne??? Je l'
moguće da si i sa njim bila, a da mi nisi rekla... To je garant jer si
nas
jednom videla u gradu!
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status:
Sanjoy:
Jabi
jodi ure dure nil ojanate
mone
kore amay mone rekhe
kokhono
furabe na sai goti hin pothe
ektu
kede sudhu picu fire...
hay
bhalobese rekhe ja
ai
moner gohin basina
ja
ace tor deya
Ryan: English, please.
Sanjoy: Ryan, for the last freakin' time,
don't comment on my status if you dont
understand. I swear to god, stay the f*** out, dude. Seriously.
Ryan: I have hard time believing that's direct
translation.
(pesma
i dijalog su na lošoj transliteraciji sa bengalskog jezika, u statusu
se nalazi
pesma "Jabi jodi": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp8noaXpGG0)
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: Fresh batteries in the
TI-83, yeah!
(2): You named your vibrator after a
calculator. That's so sweet. LOL
[ f ]
[ f ]
[ f ]
Status: Give a man a match, and he'll be
warm for a minute. But set him on fire,
and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
PIJANI PRIJATELj
|
Imam prijatelja, budaletina na kvadrat. Kako se zna oblokat, stoka najveća, a
da bude stvar najgora kad se obnevidi od pića ne zna šta radi. Izgubi se u prostoru i vremenu.
Jedne večeri zalomili mi na nekom tulumu. Šumetina Bogu iza nogu. Prijatelj gotov, sjedi pred kućom
i padne mu na pamet genijalna ideja da ode kući. Povezla ga neka dva lika,
kad nakon pet kilometara on im povrati po sjedalima i oni njega lijepo izbace iz auta. - Ajd' lijepo
pješači, pa kad dođeš do prve table, kuće ili nečeg, ti
lijepo ponovno nazovi.
Nakon pet minuta zazvoni telefon: - Evo… Dopješačio
sam do neke table. - I šta piše
na njoj??? |
 |
LOCIRAJTE SE
¤
Vi mora da ste iz Mejna ako… (SAD, poglavlje LVII)
3001.
You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.
3002. You don't understand why there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere
in the county.
3003. You know what an
3004. You knew all the flavors at Perry's Nut House.
3005. Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.
3006. You can drive the
3007. You've hung out at a gravel pit.
3008. You've almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque
Isle.
3009. You've made a meal out of a
3010. In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones.
3011. At least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the mill
in here".
3012. There's a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your
house.
3013. You crave Italian sandwiches at least weekly.
3014. Your house converts to a B&B every July and August for
people from away that you happen to know.
3015. All year long you're tracking sand in the house-from the beach in
the
summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.
3016. You have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every
spring.
 |
3017. You do the majority of your shopping out of "Uncle Henry's". 3018. You've ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads! 3019. You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle. 3020. You know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May. 3021. You go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.3022. You've watched "Murder she wrote" and snickered at the stupid fake accents. 3023. You take the |
3024. You always wave when you see a
3025. When you're supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie.
3026. There's too much "stuff" in your 2 "cah" garage to get either of
your cars into it.
3027. "L.L. Bean's" not just a store, it's a way of life.
3028. "The City" means exclusively
3029. "Salt damage" is a viable insurance claim.
3030. All of the traffic lights blink yellow at 10 o'clock at night.
3031. It's not a storm - it's a Nor'eastah.
3032. "Open 24/7" might as well be Greek.
3033. More stores have "Bienvenue" flags than "Welcome" flags.
3034. You eat ice cream with flavors like "Moose Tracks" and "Maine
Black Bear".
3035. You know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with
chocolate frosting.
3036. You wouldn't eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowder
if you were starving!
3037. As a child, you played outside in a snow storm without hat,
mittens,
scarf and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool.
3038. The area around your back door is referred to as "the dooryard".
3039. You eat potato chips with flavors such as "clam dip", "ketchup"
and "dill pickle".
3040. You call the basement "downcellah". 3043. More than ˝ the meat in your freezer is moose. 3044. You enjoy a hot chocolate more than a margarita. 3045. Your "luxury vehicle" is a twelve-year-old rustbucket on wheels. 3048. You know more than 10 people who own boats and they all park them at the same marina in 3049. You can pronounce and spell "Pocomoke", "Mattaponi", "Accokeek", and "Havre de Grace" |  |
3051. There are more than
two crab places in your town
3052. Even your high school
cafeteria made good crabcakes
3053. You got your first
lacrosse stick before you were six years old
3054. You call all turtles
"terrapins"
3055. You refer to your
state as "Merlind"
3056. Your mother shops at
Hecht's
3057. You can tell the
difference between the smells of septic and marsh
3058. You not only know how
to eat hard crabs but you also
know how to catch them, cook them and tell the males from the females.
3059. You don't think that
3060. You know perfectly
well why Rehoboth is called "Little San Francisco"
3061. "M R Ducks" makes
perfect sense.
3062. So does "C
M Wangs".
=●=