Nedelja, 5. VI 2011.
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Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Montana; 3286-3339)
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned:
- Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
- And why not, darling?
- You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. She said to her mother:
- I'm just wasting my time. I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
- Mama, look what I found!
- What have you got there, dear?With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's underwear."
Eh, što volim internet,
na ekranu ceo svet,
ceo svet na dlanu,
sve u jednom danu,
u jednome trenu,
na Youtube slušam Brenu,
u istom trenutku,
na IMVU pravim lutku.
Imam profil na "My spejsu",
naravno i na fejsu,
prijatelje i drugare,
neke nove, neke stare…
Neko muško,neko žensko,
neko lezbo, neko peško…
neko dobar, neko loš,
neko duša, neko ološ,
neko mozak, neko glup,
neko oštar, neko tup,
neko beo, neko žut,
neko Nemac, neko Španac,
neko Srbin... il' Bosanac...
Neko pravi, neko lažan,
neko bitan, il' manje važan...
Neko stavlja blogove,
neko nekom rogove,
neko voli, nekog boli,
neko nekog zavodi,
I tako se provodi.
Neko samo farmu igra,
Da pokosi, to je briga.
Neko na IMV-u lutku skače,
Dok mu kući žena plače,
Neka našla tu i muža,
Tu bar nije puno ružna.
Tu su i net udavače,
Jer ih 'vako niko neće.
Od smarača do j*bača,
I od j*bača do smarača,
Tanka je linija,
i da nije komedija,
bila bi tragedija…
I ja vazda pišem, brišem,
I ja vazda lažem, mažem,
I ja vazda lica menjam,
Tešim, slušam, pričam, kenjam…
Tuđe brige vazda vodim,
I tako se provodim.
Jedna se baš razvodi,
Pa bi da se razonodi,
I za savet pita mene,
Bože, Bože… lude žene.
Druga vazda muža vara,
Jedan je sa neta kara,
Šta da radi, pita mene,
Oće da iseče vene…
Jedan kuka da je ružan,
Usamljen i vazda tužan,
Drugi jebe sve šta stigne,
Pod uslovom da se digne,
I diže mu se tu na netu,
Kad se digne, pravi štetu..
Identitet vešto krije,
Žensko nikad vid'o nije.
Jedan šeta bicepse,
Drugi ima tricepse,
Jedna sise stavila,
Vazda se pomamila.
Svakog dana nove slike,
Svako muško stavlja "like".
Gospođa je rešila od reale da beži,
Lepše joj da lajkuje, nego da na muža reži.
Jednom rukom lajkuje, drugom ručak kuva,
Posle ručka cyber sex,
Unuče će muž da čuva.
Sve švaleri, hohštapleri,
u reali odjebani…
svi se vazda nešto trude,
da im slika lepša bude…
Eh što volim internet,
Na ekranu ceo svet,
Zato ipak hvala netu,
Videh ceo svet u letu…
I upoznah dobre ljude,
Da izuzmem one lude…
Nije žvaka za seljaka,
Ni internet za ludaka…
Volim ljude,volim net
Nekada i ceo svet.
Al kad pukne internet,
i da pukne ceo svet,
Ja najviše, realno
Volim tebe govedo! :)
Autor nepoznat (ne bih da nagađam)
Vi mora da ste iz Montane ako… (USA, poglavlje LXII)
3286. You drive around in the dead of winter with your window rolled down at least part way.
3287. A member of your family is/was a truckdriver or crop-duster.
3288. You know how to operate a combine.
3289. You can drive a grain truck with no problems.
3290. You know how to maintain your vehicle beyond changing a tire or oil.
3291. You know
what a block-heater is.
gotten a pickup or car really
stuck in mud or snow to the point where you need a tractor to pull it
You or a member of your
family has a junk pile in their back-yard.
3305. You've hunted in your backyard.3306. You feel weird if it doesn't snow at least 3 feet in January.
3307. You have or know someone who has stolen a road sign to put up in their room.
3308. Your town has at least 2 gravel roads in it.
3309. A member of your family farms or ranches.
3310. You know the difference between farming and ranching.
3311. You know the sheriff and all the deputies on a first name basis.
3312. You play or have played "Cat and Mouse" in your vehicles around town.
3313. You have had or been to a party in a barn or something like it.
3314. You've gotten drunk on every day of the week in one week.
3315. You get drunk to country music.
3316. You absolutly hate rap music.
3317. You or a family member lives on a reservation.
3318. You or a member of your family makes his or her own alcohol.
go to Canada just for fun
or to get drunk.
3320. You think city people are "wierd".
3321. City people think you are "wierd".
3322. You hate being in a big city.
3323. You classify Billings Montana as a big city.
3324. You've had to skip school or an activity to help your dad farm.
3325. One of the highlights of your football/volleyball season was the pranks you played on the other football/volleyball teams at your school.
3326. Railroad tracks go through your town but you haven't seen a train there for years.
3327. You have ever shot at something while driving down the road at 50mi/h or more.
3328. You tell Norweigen jokes.
3329. You are Norweigen.
3330. You are 13 years old and have never seen the interstate.
3331. You or someone you know has someone in their family that came from Scandinavia.
3332. Its winter-time at least 6 months out of the year.
3333. You will always see snow fall in March, April, and sometimes May.
3334. Your home town turns into a ghost town whenever the high school sports team is gone for a tournament, no matter how far away it is.
3335. No matter what the weather is like you will go watch the Demolition Derby during the fair.
3336. The demolition derby is the highlight of the fair.
3337. Mud-bogging is one of your favorite summer past-times.
Everyone goes to the wedding
dances in the summer,
even if you don't know the people that were married.
3339. Everytime a you come home from school on a Holiday, its a high school reunion.