Nedelja, 19. V 7532.
U ovom broju donosimo:
Provereno efikasna naprava
2. Naše 3
Kritika ovogodišnjeg nastupa srpskih predstavnica
3. Kodovi (2/2)
Tajne naredbe koje koriste asistenti na fakultetima
Fore sa njuzgrupa
Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna [bivša Jugoslavija (pleonazam, zar ne?); 5809-5863]Pilot epizoda "Dva i po muškarca"
o je pomešao babinu komovicu za ispiranje čireva i poslao na Euroviziju one, one, one... Pa, ja ne znam!
Rušku Jakić, Leu Kiš i
Isidoru Bjelicu bolje da su poslali
na MISS Univerzuma!!!
Stajling i kostimografija... Pa, ne znam... Ja podržavam te radionice mentalno zaostale dece, podržavam i zapošljavanje mentalno obolelih ljudi u krojačkim radnjama, ali nemojte davati LSD tim osobama dok kreiraju i šiju za scenske nastupe!
Koreografija... Đani i ja bi bolje otplesali to s našim nogicama, posle 7 litara domaće loze, ponaosob.
Melodija je pevljiva... U određenom trenutku tuširanja ili suzbijanju tegoba stomačnog zatvora na WC šolji. Da se razumemo, nemam ja ništa protiv te 3 kobile koje zvuče kao jeleni u teranju... ništa efikasno...
Marija(n) Šerifović je imala odličnu pesmu po mom mišljenju! Zeljko Joksimović takođe (oba puta)! Onaj Milan Stanković i pesma "Balkan"... To je trebalo zadaviti usijanim gajtanom od monofazne struje! A tek onaj debeli gmaz gmižući, Marko Kon i Milan Nikolić sa pesmom "Cipela"... Pa išli bi kući sa sve cipelarnikom u bulji!!!
Jedina pohvala za ovogodišnju pesmu, jeste što je primećen veliki pomor gmižućih insekata, i migracija glodara iz zemlje, s obzirom da se pesma mogla čuti sa svakog drugog TV prijemnika...
|Pošto mnogim čitaocima ovaj
članak nije bio
jasan sada ćemo vam malo pojasniti o čemu se radi: na
"kompjuteraškim" fakultetima, asistenti nadgledaju projekte
(eksperimente i domaće zadatke) koje obavljaju studenti. Naravno, kada
nešto pobrlja zbog preopterećenosti (recimo, ceo sprat muške spavaonice
porniće) onda su obično asistenti krivi – ni krivi ni dužni! Zbog
toga je nastao ovaj tekst o tajnim kompjuterskim naredbama i njihovim
ABC AlphaBetize Code
ACDP Allow Controller to die peacefully
ACQT Advance Clock to Quitting Time
AFH Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary
AIB Attack Innocent Bystander
AMS Add Memory to System
ANFSCD And Now For Something Completely Different
AOI Annoy Operator Immediate
AR Alter Reality
ARZ Add and Reset to Zero
AWTT Assemble with Tinker Toys
BA Branch Anywhere
BAH Branch and Hang
BAW Bells and Whistles
BBW Branch Both Ways
BCF Branch and Catch Fire
BF Belch Fire
BLM Branch, Like, Maybe
BLP Boot from Line Printer
BPP Branch & Pull Plug
CAIL Crash After I Leave
BFM Be Fruitful and Multiply
BLR Branch and Lose Return
BOHP Bribe operator for higher priority
BST Backspace and Stretch Tape
BWABL Bells, Whistles, and Blinking Lights
CBBR Crash & Blow Boot ROM
CCC Crash if Carry Clear
CCD Clear Core and Dump
COLB Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
CPB Create Program Bug
CRB Crash and Burn
DBR Debase Register
EDR Execute Destructive Read
EFE Emulate Fatal Error
EOI Explode On Interrupt
EPITS Execute Previous Instruction Then Skip
HACF Halt And Catch Fire
HELP Type "No Help Available"
HUAL Halt Until After Lunch
IEOF Ignore End Of File
IMV IMpress Visitors
JCI Jump to Current Instruction
JFM Jump on Full Moon
JRCF Jump Relative and Catch Fire
JRSR Jump to Random Subroutine
KEPITU Kill Every Process In The Universe
KSR Keyboard Shift Right
LCC Load and Clear Core
MAN Make Animal Noises
MBTD Mount Beatles on Tape Drive
MO Mount Operator
MLB Memory Left shift and Branch
NPC Normalize Program Counter
PAUD PAUse Dramatically
PFML Print Four Million Lines
PPSW Pack Program Status Word
UAI Use Alternate Instruction set
WPET Write Past End of Tape
Sperry (Unisys) 1100/90 kodovi:
AGB Add GarBage
BBL Branch on Burned out Light
BAH Branch And Hang
BLI Branch and Loop Infinite
BPB Branch on Program Bug
BPO Branch if Power Off
CPB Create Program Bug
CRN Convert to Roman Numerals
DAO Divide And Overflow
IAD Illigical And
IOR Illogical Or
PAS Print And Smear
RBT Read and Break Tape
RPM Read Programmer's Mind
RSD Read and Scramble Data
XIO Execute Invalid Opcode
Stvarno bolesni kodovi (Talisman/North-Keys):
BAD Branch And Detonate
BAS Branch And Shit
BCA Branch to Current Address
BFM Branch on Full Moon
BIH Branch If Hung
BOD Branch On Decadence
BWR Branch When Ready
DC Degauss Core
DKR Destructive Keyboard Read
DMS Dump Manual To Shredder
DPB Delete Program Bug
DPC Decrement Program Counter (usually followed by BIH)
DUSR Delete User
EMB Erase Microcode and Branch
MCPU Melt CPU
MIL Move to Illegal Location
MPD Melt Peripheral Device
MUI Move User to Illegal location
OIH Orgasm If Hung
OOB Orgasm On Branch
RAD Radiate Data
RFE Return from Fatal Error
RMC Rotate MicroCode
RPR Reset Programmer
RRS Return from Random Subroutine
RSR Rotate Status Registers
RWC Reset World to system Clock
RXF Reverse eXecution Flow
SPI Skip Previous Instruction
WTR Write To ROM
WUM Write to User Memory
5809. When you make jokes based on your own tragedy
At your wedding you know only
about a third of the people there.
5811. At your wedding you have a minimum of 350 guests.
5812. At your wedding the first song is always "Danas majka ženi svoga sina".
5813. Your father calls you a "dummy" for not knowing how to do something he can't either.
5814. There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar.
5815. Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
5816. Your dad starts to swear obsessively whenever he watches CNN.
5817. There's at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to.
5818. When your walls are crowded with icons of saints |
5819. Your mother insists that draught will kill you
5820. Your church has a fully loaded bar
5820. You don't talk to your "best men" ("kum")
5821. Your uncle makes his own wine that is stronger than rakija
5822. You think everything is a conspiracy
5823. When your mum calls you "stoka" (cattle)
5824. Rakija is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions, as a massage lotion and as a window cleaner.
5825. When your grandma will not accept the fact that you're not hungry
5826. You teach all your American friends serbian/croatian cuss words
5827. Your dad complains that his back hurts!
5828. When you have to reasson your mother that her cooking is the best
5829. Whenever you went by grandma's house, she offered you soup, sarma, grilled meat or cookies and got mad if you didn't eat everything.
5830. When you are told that you'll grow a tail if you drink coffee at a young age
5831. You are freaked out by "Babaroga" (Boogie man)
5832. When your mom has a whole pharmacy in the medicine cabinet.
5833. You think the expression "Don't laugh so much, you will cry" sounds reasonable
5834. When your mom tells you not to drink cold water after you have exercised
5835. When no matter what age you are or how much smarter than your parents you are, they will never listen to what you say "cause you're still their little baby"
5836. Your Dad tells you "when I was your age…"
5837. When your parents call relatives in Yugoslavia they shout to be heard
5838. When on your birthday everyone pulls your ears
5839. When your parents call you "son" no matter if your a boy or a girl.
5840. Your mom gloats about how good Serbian food is but cooks Turkish coffee for all her friends
5841. When you work part time and drive a BMW
5842. When you bang the table and break glasses while singing when you're drunk.
5843. Your dad tells you "this is the third time I am telling you this" and you are afraid to laugh
5844. Ćevapčići on the grill are better than steak any day
5845. Your mother is fond of saying "Thanks God"
5846. A week after slava (family patron saint), Božić (Cristmass), and Uskrs (Easter) you are still eating sarma
5847. You can dance a kolo to anything, including ex-Yu rock
5848. You read this list to your mama and tata and all they have to say in their defense is "It's not true!!!"
5849. If you sit too close to the TV, you'll get cancer.
5850. You tell your friends to rebel when their parents tell them to be home before midnight
5851. When you're mom is running after you to put on a sweter
5852. Your grandma swears more than you do
5853. You bring gifts when you come and take gifts when you leave
5854. You have a doily covering your DVD, VCR, printer, scanner
When you do not announce yourself before visiting a friend and are
happy to see him/her at your door in the same manner
5856. When your dad thinks everyone from China has a black belt
5857. Your dad never told you about the birds and the bees (and never had to)
5858. A Serb girl tries to look 23 but she's actually 15.
5859. Even the fat Serb chicks put on the tightest skirt possible
5860. You drive a nicer car than your parents
5861. There is a 120-gallon barrel of wine and for cabbage in your garage
5862. You can hear your dad snoring from across the street
5863. You live with your mom and dad until you are married