Nedelja, 24. XI 7532.
U ovom broju donosimo:
2. Dirk Džentli
Najzanimljiviji citati iz sve tri knjige Daglasa Adamsa
Film "(Besne) Ptice" od Hičkoka
Junaci našeg časopisa
Odabrani dijalozi iz kultne serije
Holistička detektivska agencija Dirka Džentlija
(Douglas Adams; izvor: Dirk Gently's holistic detective agency; 1987)
● There is no point in using the word "impossible" to describe something that has clearly happened. (338 likes)
● The door was the way to… to… The Door was The Way. Good. Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to. (98 likes)
● The more Susan waited, the more the doorbell didn't ring. Or the phone. (48 likes)
● In the great debate that has raged for centuries about what happens to you after death, one thing has never been in doubt - that you would at least know the answer when you were dead. (30 likes)
● Believe me, it is a great deal better to find cast-iron proof that you're innocent than to languish in a cell hoping that the police - who already think you're guilty - will find it for you. (25 likes)
● Gordon Way's astonishment at being suddenly shot dead was nothing compared to his astonishment at what happened next. (25 likes)
● He felt like an old sponge steeped in paraffin and left in the sun to dry. (21 likes)
● The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life (...) (20 likes)
● "Yes it is", said the Professor. "Wait...", he motioned to Richard, who was about to go out again and investigate – "Let it be. It won't be long."
Richard stared in disbelief: "You say there's a horse in your bathroom, and all you can do is stand there naming Beatles songs?" (24 likes)
● Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. (15 likes)
● He turned slowly like a fridge door opening. (12 likes)
● Sunlight played along the River Cam. People in punts happily shouted at each other to fuck off. Thin natural scientists who had spent months locked away in their rooms growing white and fishlike, emerged blinking into the light. Couples walking along the bank got so excited about the general wonderfulness of it all that they had to pop inside for an hour. (7 likes)
● Duboko u Kišnim Šumama radilo se ono što se obično radi – kisnulo se. Otuda i ime. (2 likes)
● I live in what are known as hopes. I hope for fascinating and remunerative cases, my secretary hopes that I will pay her, her landlord hopes that she will produce some rent, the Electricity Board hopes that he will settle their bill, and so on. I find it a wonderfully optimistic way of life. (1 likes)
Duga mračna čajanka duše
(Douglas Adams; izvor: The long dark tea-time of the soul; 1988)
● I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. (22937 likes)
● There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick. (732 likes)
● It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport".
● The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.
● A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. It's fruit is sorrow and disappointment. (182 likes)
● Words used carelessly often allowed otherwise well-guarded truths to seep through. (154 likes)
● I don't go to mythical places with strange men. (94 likes)
● Yes, it is true that sometimes unusually intelligent and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think that's something you might have to consider. (88 likes)
● The walls were painted in almost precisely
● She had heard it said that humans are supposed only to use about a tenth of their brains, and that no one was really clear what the other nine tenths were for, but she had certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing penguins. (53 likes)
● Nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren't up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up. (48 likes)
● Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila. (43 likes)
● Ja sam privatni detektiv. Ja sam plaćen da budem ljubopitljiv i drzak. (37 likes)
● Dirk turned on the car wipers, which grumbled because they didn't have quite enough rain to wipe away, so he turned them off again. Rain quickly speckled the windscreen. He turned on the wipers again, but they still refused to feel that the exercise was worthwhile, and scraped and squeaked in protest. (23 likes)
● Ok, I don't like to disturb you at what I know must be a difficult and distressing time for you, but I need to know first of all if you actually realize that this is a difficult and distressing time for you. (21 likes)
● He had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when driving. This was largely because of his method of "Zen" navigation, which was simply to find any car that looked as if it knew where it was going and follow it. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both. (12 likes)
● When the girl sitting at the next table looked away from a moment, Dirk leaned over and took her coffee. He knew that he was perfectly safe doing this because she would simply not be able to believe that this had happened. (8 likes)
● - No private detective looks like a private detective. That's one of the first rules of private detection.
- But if no private detective looks like a private detective, how does a private detective know what it is he's supposed not to look like? Seems to me there's a problem there. (4 likes)
● The Great Zaganza said: "You are very fat and stupid and persistently wear a ridiculous hat which you should be ashamed of. (4 likes)
- za ovu knjigu se ne zna da li spada u "Dirka Džentlija" ili u "Autostoperski vodič", svejedno smo je stavili u prvu grupu (urednik još nije stigao da je pročita... a, vala, ni ostale...)
- Daglas Adams je umro pre nego što je završio ovu knjigu
(Douglas Adams; izvor: The salmon of doubt; 2002)
● The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. (3937 likes)
● A learning experience is one of those things that says: "You know that thing you just did? Don't do that." (2694 likes)
● I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when yo're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you're 15 and 35 is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
● "For Children: You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. It's quite a simple difference, but an important one. Friday comes at the end of the week, where as a fried egg comes out of a chicken. Like most things, of course, it isn't quite that simple. The fried egg isn't properly a fried egg until it's been put in a frying pan and fried. This is something you wouldn't do to a Friday, of course, though you might do it on a Friday. You can also fry eggs on a Thursday, if you like, or on a cooker. It's all rather complicated, but it makes a kind of sense if you think about it for a while." (197 likes)
● "Why?" is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you "What's the time?" or "When was the battle of 1066?" or "How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?" The answers are easy and are, respectively, "Seven-thirty in the evening", "Ten-fifteen in the morning", and "Don't ask stupid questions." (97 likes)
● He was constantly reminded of how startlingly different a place the world was when viewed from a point only three feet to the left. (11 likes)
● I have always been absurdly, ridiculously tall. To give you an idea- when we went on school trips to Interesting and Improving Places, the form-master wouldn't say: "Meet under the clock tower," or "Meet under the War Memorial," but "Meet under Adams." (10 likes)
● The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I'd written both of them (4 likes)
● H2003 Sleeples in Pekam
Marlin: Je l' tako da nisam imala postnatalnu depresiju?
Bojsi: Kako bih mogao da znam? Ti plačeš i vrištiš celog života.
Marlin: Ispravka! Samo otkad sam se udala za tebe!
Bojsi (Marlin): Idemo kući da se ignorišemo ostatak večeri.
Kasandra: Zašto rade takve stvari?
Rakel: Kao što rekoh: Žene su sa Venere, a muškarci su iz Pekama.
Denzil: Pre dve nedelje video sam je u gradu sa nekim tipom. Duboki izrez, visoke štikle, puna šminka...
Triger: Šta je videla na takvom tipu?
Del: Mislio je na Marlin.
Del: Mislimo da si ubio Marlin i zakopao je u dvorište.
Bojsi: Kako se usuđuje? Da ubijem ženu i zakopam je u dvorište? Kakva uvreda! Znaš koliko sam potrošio na uređivanje bašte?
Del: Žao mi je zbog tvoje kose, Marlin.
Marlin: Ova frizura me je koštala đavo i po!
Del: Ličiš na Brajana Meja sa koji je upao u sušilicu za veš.
Rodni: Znači, tamo je bila ovih dana... Stavljala je silikone!
Bojsi: Nije stavljala silikone.
Del: Ne pričaj, Bojsi. Kupio si joj ojačanje.
Bojsi: Nisam joj kupio ništa.
Rodni: Zvaću fudbalski tim da proverim da li im nedostaju lopte.
Bojsi: Mislio sam da će nas to zbližiti.
Rodni: Čini mi se da to ima suprotan efekat!
Bojsi: Kako da ne! Jedna sisa koštala me 4 hiljadarke!
Triger: Koliko je to bilo ukupno?
Marlin: Rakel, baš ti lepo stoji ta haljina. Ona mi je omiljena. Što me podseti, Bojsi! Moramo da pokupimo zavese sa hemijskog.
Bojsi: Šta sam rekao? Samo pokušavam da odbranim tvoju čast.
Del: Da odbraniš Marlininu čast? Trebaće ti vremeplov!
Marlin: Ljubomorne ste što mogu da častim sebe za 40. rođendan.
Rakel: 40-ti? Kad smo se upoznale, bila si blizu 40. A poslednjih godina samo što nisi napunila 40!
Rakel: Znao si sve ovo vreme?
Del: Nisam. Nisam znao dok je Rodni bio beba. Međutim, kad napuniš 20, a šestogodišnji brat je viši od tebe počneš da sumnjaš.
Del: Recite nam zašto nas tužite, a mi ćemo vama zašto ne možemo da platimo.
Vrapci se deru ko konji!
Mene piči depresija,
u duši mi opsesija,
jebo mater ako te ne volim.
Vjetar puše, šljive otpadaju,
trule šljive muhe spopadaju.
Krmci jedu da ne propadaju,
tvoje oči mi se dopadaju.
Tvoje oči ko farovi Fiće
ti si moje omiljeno biće.
Nešto mi se tamo dole miče.
Kresn'o bi te neka nana viče.
Sunce piči ko tepsija,
mene fata depresija.
Ide autobus Tuzla-Kalesija,
ti si opet moja opsesija.
Primi ovaj buket ruža,
što ti moje srce pruža.
Zaboravi bona da imaš muža,
jebo mater ako te ne volim.