EN654 - Nedelja, 20. XI 2016./7524.
Jedna domaćica je postavila sliku vitrine koju je "nemoguće otvoriti", a da se ne razbiju porcelanski tanjiri i tražila je savete na internetu.
"Vitrina koja se ne može otvoriti" glasio je naslov. Naravno, na netu nikad ne koristite negaciju kao što je "ne može" jer ćete brzo privući celu armiju dušebrižnika (16.000 reakcija i 456 komentara) da bi "pomogli" ovoj gospođi da bezbedno izvadi svoje tanjire.
Sledi spisak najboljih odabranih odgovora (i odgovora na odgovore)... Šta bi vi uradili?
● Build an identical house next to your existing house with only one difference, the plates would be on the shelf. Then delete the old house.
● Flood the house, then open the cupboard without any risk!
● Go to Kamar-Taj, see The Ancient One, be a sorcerer, find The Eye of Agamotto, reverse or stop time, arrange back, and you're done!
● Try switching it off then switching it back on again
● Sell it to the museum and name it the "Frozen in Time" series.
● Just let yourself die and respawn back to your last check point when the plates were nicely stacked
● Open a bottle of wine > Have a drink > Wait for a husband to come home. Start a random argument out of nothing > Go to the kitchen . open the door and let it smash > blame it on the husband - he'll apologize and buy a whole new set of plates.
● Try ctrl + Z... This will work
● Dig an incredibly long shaft under the house. Then release the house, while in free fall, straighten up the mess. As you pass through the center of the earth, watch for an alien government compound. Use solid booster rocket fuel and rockets from the space shuttle to aid in your ascent and to help spin the house around, now you're on your way to China. ascend from the earth, eject solid booster rockets and land home firmly. Learned local dialect and enjoy various soups in your safe bowl set.
● The Jigsaw puzzle champion solution: buy much glue suitable for ceramics. Open the door quickly. Have fun for hours!
● The theoreticist solution: define the plates to be unbreakable. Open the door safely.
● Gather your friends. Make it a party! Open the door and as the bowls crash to the floor. Yell "OPA!" and then you all have a drink together to toast the occasion.
● Spend a few months in the secret mountain tops of Japan and train. You must become a ninja with lightning reflexes. With your newly found ninja skills catching those plates when you open the cupboard will be easy.
● First, create an anti-gravity machine, or yet, try some Hollywood slow-motion so that you can catch them. Or yet, I've got a better idea: hire a juggler!
● Break the wall from the back of the cupboard
● Take a picture of it and ask to people on internet
● Fly with the cupboard into the outer space. Open it safely. Then go back.
● Call Spiderman... Or wait long enough for spiders to build enough web inside so the plates would hold
● Ok, listen carefully: you'll need a rocket, a big rope, oxygen tank, parachute. How you do it: tie the rope around a hook on your cupboard and shoot it to outer space… While in vaccum, do your chore and pull back to Earth (we have stringed it right). Shoot your parachute... Don't die!! PS: Do wear your oxygen masks (unless you are immortal). Same can be achieved underwater as well, but lets go universal!!!
●Go to the Cupboard Menu and click "Restore"
● Spin the house round n round n round until the centrifugal force pushes the plates back onto the shelf. Be careful to stop the spin slowly.
● Seal the cupboard tight with gaffa tape. Pour enough liquid jelly (lime flavour) through a small hole in top of cupboard. Turn the air con on until it sets. Once jelly has set, slowly open door. Hopefully it slows the bowls down enough for you to rescue them all. Invite 25 people over to your house for a bowl of green jelly.
● You're gonna need a blowtorch, peanut butter and a plastic spoon...
● Pour some chemicals on youself in a stormy night. Get struck by lightning. When you get speed force you know what to do.
● Buy an octopus and sign it up to circus. It will learn tricks there and will be able to catch all the plates.
● Do not try to open the door. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth: There are no dishes.
● The misanthropist solution: call someone else without showing him what is wrong, glue his or her hand to the door, then leave. Rant at him or her if you hear cracking sounds.
● Trump solution: build a wall around the shelf and declare that the dishes have fallen because of illegal aliens.
● Clinton solution: send an official email through your own server, have it leaked, have this discovered by FBI, blame FBI for not solving the problem with the dishes.
● Ok... Do you have an anti-mater partical displacement ray?
● My husband mentioned trying to use a yardstick or something of that nature, partially opening the door and pushing them back. He also suggested getting your significant other drunk then having them open it, that way you can bring it up later and they will buy you a new set out of guilt.
● Use a rolling pin to flatten your arm. Once flat simply slide it up and push the plates back into their place.
● Alternatively: divorce, retain custody of the cupboard, marry someone Greek.
● Nail blanket corners to the wall open the door and let the plates fall on to the blanket. Wear a fire fighter uniform
● Disguise yourself as Jigsaw from the "Saw" movies, kidnap some people, ask them to figure out how to solve the puzzle or you will kill them.
● Try unplugging it.
● Two Options: Call Phineas and Ferb and ask them to make you a machine to catch falling plates, or to reverse time. Or maybe you could buy a wand and say ,"Reparo."
● I'm afraid the Internet cannot help you open the cupboard. You have to do it yourself.
● 1. Pray until Jesus apears; 2. open the cupboard; 3. ask Jesus for help you cleaning the mess
● Fill the cupboard with water, put it in the fridge and when it's frozen open the cupboard, put the ice block in your bed and let it melt. Your china is saved and you'll have wet dreams that night....
● Maybe you should sell ur house at the very expensive price and add a few words about ur antique bowls. Or just open a life insurance for ur bowl...
● Put on a horror movie on Netflix and face it towards the cupboard. The crockery will move back in horror. Job done !!
● Go back in time, watch parents get killed, grow up full of angst, swear to avenge your parents death, become millionaire vigilante, open the cupboard and let Alfred deal with the mess.
● I suggest you steal the newly confiscated timeturner from Hermiones office, turn back time and put the plates more carefully in the cupboard. Just to realize that by rearranging the plates, you changed everything and helped Voldemort win the battle at Hogwarts! fck...
● Buy a new cupboard and a new set of plates that look exactly the same as the current one. Place the new cupboard right in front of the existing, arrange the plates to your delight. Problem solved! Out of sight, out of mind!
● A - A - B - X - Y - A - B - up - down - left - left- right - A - B - B - Y - X – select
● Try upgrading cupboard software.
● Switch off the lights. Invite your friends for a party. Ask one of them to open the cupboard and grab some plates. Once they open and smash the plates, ask them to pay for it.
● Have sex in next room. Bang against wall so hard cabinet falls down and breaks bowls. Blame husband. Go shopping ;)
● Freeze it, may be the technology in the future helps you to teletransport the plates in a safety
● Get the magic wand and say: "Wingardium Leviosa!!!" Make sure you say "LeviOsa", not "LeviosAR"! If you haven't mastered it, try Hogwarts!
● You're going to need a ladder, blow torch, duct tape, wood glue, a cardboard box, 3 ink pens (blue, black, red), a yo-yo, some bubblegum, a clown wig, and somebody to hold my beer.
● Shout 3 times: "Beetlejuice"
● Call Chuck Norris
● Make a very good insurance on the plates first and then enjoy opening... ;)
● Wait for an earthquake and pray it will be the one that will put the plates back again. If not, repeat. (purchase insurance first)
● The Force you must use!
● Just leave it like that, it makes an interesting talking point
● Burn the Cupboard down! Then you don't have to worry about dishes no more!
● 1. Open door quickly. 2. Jump back. 3. Clean up mess. 4. Go shopping.
● Open the cupboard with at least 10 people with you. Assign them to catch 1 peace each! There will be a big chance to save your plates!!!
● Open a new command line, access the programme "Cupboard" and apply the patch "Stacked v2.6", reboot the furniture and check to see if items are now restacked. If not, check which version of furniture you are running as the patch has only been tested on the following: Ikea_onlasts1yr.v2.3 FurnitureWearhouseiscrap.v1 OldLastCenturyShit.v1950.s
● Open camera on phone. Press record. Open door. Cry.
● Just stop time. Then casually open the cupboard door, re-stack dishes and close the door. Start time. Then have a word with yourself for the state of your dishes!
● Open the door, it's time for new plates anyway!
● Invent a tractor beam that will pull the Moon close enough to the cupboard to make the dishes float. Pull the dishes out. Quickly invent a retractor beam to put the Moon back in its place.
● Go outside and kill some random creatures to level up until you have enough skillpoint to learn telekinesis.
● Fill the entire house with ping pong balls, then open the door!
● Have you tried restarting your cupboard?
● Take a vacation in Boracay, then bring lots of sand and fill in there! Mabuhay.
● Rent a huge excavator ond tilt the house 90 degrees, problem solved.
● Scream and then call for your husband!
● Get a few billion of your closest friends to all walk opposite the rotation of the earth (see Coriolis effect), and when gravity has sufficiently been reversed, easily reach into cabinet and restack the dishes. Or just never have soup or cereal for the rest of your life. Your choice.
● Film yourself opening the cupboard, let them fall down on you, add a cute kitten or a puppy in the background. Go viral, buy a new set. You're welcome.
● Assemble the Avengers!
● Did you try calling tech support?
● Buy paper plates.
● Photoshop it :)
● Go to construction mode, delete the cupboard and buy a new one. Use "rosebud" if you're out of money. (misli na igricu "The Sims")
● If it's not broken don't fix it.
● Ctrl+Alt+Del like hell
● Call Batman, tell him if the plates brake, the Joker has promised to kill a housewife for each plate.
● Join friends, put some music, smoke some weed, open the door and Laugh A LOT seing all that!
● Take a picture and photoshop the dishes neatly stacked, and for some reason, add the leaning tower of Pisa in the background.
● Let your children open the door... Then get angry with them. The dishes will be broken, but It won't be your fault!
● Develop really fast reflexes and catch them like on "Tom and Jerry". Good luck.
● Book a private plane. Bring along your cupboard. Ask the pilot for a free fall. The gravity will now be temporarily disabled. Open the door slowly. Collect your plates. Can't go wrong.
● Yell at it really really hard. Thats what my mom does to me and it puts me right back in my place.
● Open the cupboard, and watch the chaos ensue. Then, develop an OCD (or play "Tetris") and learn how to stack efficiently without risk if breakages.
● Is the cupboard on the International Space Station, by chance? If so, you should be able to open without issue. I hope that helps.
● Throw a dish party. While everyone is asking to eat, tell em you forgot to get out the plates and ask someone (the one you like the least) to get them. Its their problem now on how to do it :D. Mission accomplished
● Call Donald Trump and ask for help. He's really good at giving no sense solutions
● Insert a straw, suck all the air in the cupboard. Wait until plates start to levitate. Then open.
● Well, you missed the super Moon when gravity is the lowest. But no worries - another one is coming in about 36 years
● Sell the house and start all over...
● Ask a teenager... They know everything after all.
● Why do u need to open it? Just get another bowl for god sake. We've had enough broken bowls in the world. #savethebowls
● Sell the house to some Greek people, they love breaking things like dishes... Or their economy.
● Put them up on eBay. Buyer must collect it. Easy money!
● Take a video of it from various angles and post it on YouTube with the title: "plates doing the mannequin challange" and then post it on social media saying "you won't believe what happens next" and become an internet sensation twice in one month!
● Give up on life and go drown your sorrows in ice cream and Netflix
● 1. Sign an Insurance contract for each plate and define some humgous nominal Value. Don't worry about the fees you will definitely not paying for too long. 2. Wait for the Insurance to be valid. 3. Open the cupboard while laughing more evil than Goldfinger. 4. Profit.
● Drink liters and liters of coffee and red-bull! This will make you so hyperactive it will create the illusion that time has slown down. You are now surrounded by a world in slow-motion. You can open the cupboard, go to the kitchen to do the dishes, vacuum the living room, take a shower, get dressed, make a sandwich and eat it, and then go back to the cupboard to collect the plates as they are ever-so-slowly falling to the floor.
● You need to cool down the whole room to -273°C. At this temperature, the cups will fall down slower, because the electrons are lazier. You can easily get all the cups without any broken porcellain.
● Purchase earthquake insurance. Wait.
● Have you tried using cheat codes?
● I give up. Who wants a drink?
● Find a magic lamp, rub it and a genie will appear. He will grant you 3 wishes. Use one of them to wish the plates stacked normally again. Use the other two for world domination.
● Adjust the cupboard according to the earth's rotation. Then simply stop the rotation. The kinetic energy will do the rest.
● Wipe the glass with a wet towel, hold a sharp pencil vertically in front of the glass, pointing at the middle of the lower plate - then open the door, let the plates crash and buy new ones.
● 1) Make soup for dinner. 2) Tell husband to set table. 3) Reread "War & peace" while waiting.
● Get a blindfold, earplugs, and a laundry basket and line the basket with blankets on the bottom and sides. Put on your sight and sound gear. Hold the basket under the cupboard as you open the door moving it closer to the plates as they fall out. Some plates will break but at least you didn't see who did it.
● Rope yourself up and enter the cupboard from above. Do not forget to humm the "Mission impossible" theme song.
● Ants can carry 50 times their own body weight. Train an ant farm, and send them in to do the job of putting everything back in place.
● Let them like that!! They will stop when they feel tired!!
● Go and get pissed down the pub.
● Replace the batteries
● Let them break and sell it as an expert's puzzle
● Get Mary Poppins to click her fingers
(izvor komentara: Bored panda)
Zakon Las Vegasa
Nikada se ne kladi na gubitnika zato što misliš da će sreća početi da ga služi.
Van Royev drugi zakon
Ako znaš da razlikuješ dobar savet od lošeg saveta, onda ti savet ne treba.
Svako ima plan koji ne pali.
Munderova pouka iz Howeovog zakona
- Odlučnost nije sama po sebi vrlina.
- Odlučiti da ne odlučuješ je odluka. Ne odlučivati je greška.
- Važan razlog što šefovi postoje je da se prave svesni izuzeci od politike.
Elyjev ključ uspeha
Stvori tražnju, pa ponudi.
Bralekovo pravilo uspehaVeruj samo onima koji su spremni da gube isto koliko i ti kada stvari pođu naopako.
● ČOVEKOLOGIJA ●
Hartleyev drugi zakon
Nikad ne spavaj sa luđima od sebe.
Prvi zakon sociogenetike
Celibat nije nasledan.
Verovatnoća da mladić sretne poželjnu mladu ženu raste geometrijskom progresijom kada je on već u društvu sa:
1. svojom devojkom,
2. svojom ženom,
3. zgodnijim i bogatijim muškim prijateljem.
Farberov četvrti zakon
Nužda spaja najčudnije cimere.
Proizvod lepote i pameti je konstantan.
Sve što je dobro u životu ili je nezakonito ili je nemoralno ili goji.
Lepota nije dublja od kože, ali ružnoća prodire do kostiju.
● ● ●
Rešenje kviza sa treće strane: Žak Vilnev (Jacques Villeneuve; 1971)