Terazije, Beograd - Slika sa ovonedeljnog okupljanja fanova serije "Igra prestola" ("Game of thrones") povodom nove sezone. Komentar moje drugarice: "Ni Nightcrawler ne sme da kaže babi da nije gladan."
|12 stvari koje ne smete nositi u Grčku:
1. Somborsku fetu
3. Daljinac za klima uređaj
4. Pileću i goveđu salatu za picu
5. Makedonski scenario
6. Drahme koje su vam ostale sa letovanja '95-te
7. Recept za domaći dzadziki (da, tako se ispravno kaže – prim. ured.)
8. Mirka Alvirovića
9. CD sa obradom grčkih pesama
10. Više od 70kg paradajza
11. Šolju u koju sme da se baca toalet papir
(sa sajta Njuz)
(nastavak iz prošlog broja)
● When I was a waitress, if a middle aged woman was ever rude to me (they almost always were) I'd happily offer them the senior discount, 65 and above only. It felt so good to see their eyes bulge out of their sockets and their mouths drop open in shock.
● A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we'll call him "LT" for Lying Tool) "warning" a girl. He said something to the effect of: "Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really sexual and graphic, basically talking about ripping off your purple spandex and violating you in front of everyone. I couldn't just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like."
Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approached him) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her. So he made up this lie to throw him under the bus. I know it was a lie because: 1) I was just in the locker room and nothing of the sort was said and 2) the dude he was lying about was actually a really nice, respectful guy.
So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said: "She knows you're lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she's his sister, you moron."
The look on LT's face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her "brother" out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.
He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.
● When I was a tween and my sister had big sleepovers, I was allowed to have one person over to keep me company as well. I usually asked my cousin over, because she and I were around the same age and the only person I was really close with.
Things usually went pretty smoothly during the day, but come night time, my sister and her friends would begin pranking us mercilessly. Everything from putting our underwear in the freezer to putting shaving cream on us while we slept to popping out of random places and scaring us. One night, we decided we had enough.
My sister had been warned earlier about the pranking after my cousin and I complained about it. We stayed up late, chugging soda to keep us going until all the older kids had fallen asleep. Then, we pulled out the markers and began drawing all over each others faces. Smears of red and green and purple, we left no areas untouched. We even added little marker streaks to our pillows, to make it look like somebody's hand had slipped while they were scribbling on our faces. Then we went peacefully to sleep and waited for the chaos to ensue.
Everything went as planned. Their pranks had been mostly harmless until now, they certainly never did anything that would stain or last more than a couple of hours. My sister and her friends were in deep trouble, and we got off scot free.
The highlight of this story for me is a conversation from the following day between my sister and my grandpa:
Sister: But I didn't do anything!
Grandpa: What? So we're supposed to believe they did this to themselves?
● I work on a college campus. It's the season for orientation and parents are herding their kids around checking out the school. I misread my schedule (arrived at 14:00 instead of 4:00 pm) and had a few hours to kill. I decided to take a walk around campus to look at the changing trees. I soon came upon a family that was clearly lost. Two parents and a kid. The dad's got the map out (upside down) and the mom is asking anyone who will listen for directions. I decided to help.
I stroll up and ask where they're headed and am told they're looking for one of the libraries. It wouldn't be too far out of my way so I decided to take them there. As we're walking I make small talk asking what the kid plans to study and whatever. To be helpful, I started pointing things out on the way. This was my fatal error.
As we're walking someone interrupts and says "are you headed to the library?" I confirmed that we were and allowed them to tag along. I didn't go full tour guide and turn around, so as I'm walking I remain facing forward. I didn't notice that a few other families started following behind me. We get to the library and the first family is happy. I turn to leave and someone says "how about the political science department?" I check my clock, and think "what the hell, these people are nice" and off we went. At this point I have about five families with me. People are asking questions and laughing at my jokes and having a good time.
We get to the next building and it's time for me to leave for work. I motion to disband my little entourage and am met with opposition. "Take us to the English department." Some guy says. I was like "No can do, chief. I gotta go to work" and it clearly didn't register. I tried to tell him that this was an informal tour and I'm not affiliated with the orientation and he didn't understand. "What the hell kind of tour is this? We paid good money for this orientation. You're going to take us to the English department!" The English department was actually pretty far away so I wouldn't be able to get him there without being late to work. He was pretty disrespectful so I decided to dump him instead.
"To get there it's easiest to take a campus shuttle" I said "I'll walk you to the bus stop." He was satisfied with that so off we went. We get to the bus stop and I tell him that I won't be riding with him because I'm only a tour guide for this particular area. Once he gets on the bus he should wait three stops, then get off and meet a new tour guide that will be there waiting. Instead of saying thanks he grumbles out a "was that so hard?" and climbs aboard.
Here's the kicker. Our campus doesn't have its own bus system. I put him on a city bus. Three stops would take him to a grocery store a mile or two off campus. There definitely wasn't anyone waiting for him there. I like to think he got what he deserved for being disrespectful.
● So a while back I was given a UGA Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day in which the team is playing. My intention was to only fly it on Saturdays when the football team was playing. So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday. On Friday I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one. I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn't be true because I took it down on Monday. Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad.
I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.
I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again. I would call on each one and explain that the waterpolo team had a match, or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.
● Roommate was being a d*ck so I rubbed some grease from the leftover fried chicken on his X-box's power button. Now, whenever he's playing, his dog will walk by and sniff the button, turning it off mid-game.
● I had two jobs, one was at this country ice house in buttf*ck nowhere outside of my city. This place was pretty small, but was one of the few bars in a certain area so it would get busy. A lot off good ol' boys and oil field guys.
I worked the door, checked ID-s and such, and usually broke up fights or kick people out. The owner of this place was very "hands on". He liked to micromanage everything. Didn't want me to kick people out unless they were throwing punches, and even then to try and talk to them. Never cut anyone off. Had that "always be selling" attitude.
One night some trouble happens between some regulars and one guy tries to hit another guy with a pool stick. I happened to get hit in the arm but got behind the guy and put him to sleep. Next day the manager calls me to tell me I'm being let go. Apparently pool stick guy spends a lot of money and me putting him to sleep left him bitter so he called the owner. That's fine.
Anyways the bar has a nice fancy jukebox. If you have the app you can just pick songs on your credit card and they'll play. If you hit play next on a song, even if they turn the jukebox off, it'll play when it starts back up. It's also unskippable. With the master remote you could skip a song but they lost that remote so they really can't do much if someone plays a certain song they don't like, and even if they unplug it, it'll play no matter what when they turn it on.
Here's my petty revenge: The owner does inventory every tuesday night. It also happens to be a busy night because they do pool tournaments and it usually gets packed. So here I thought, I could probably just play the same song over and over and there's nothing they can really do. I got twenty bucks in credits and that usually gives you about 18 unskippable songs. Plus more
depending if the app gifts you credits. I picked a remix of Cotton Eye Joe, that comes in at around 7 minutes a pop. Usually when the pool tournament started. Two hours of hearing the same song has killed their business on tuesdays. Even if they unplug it, it'll still play when they plugged it back up.
I've been doing it for two months so far, last I heard they had to buy a new jukebox at a cost 5,000$. I'll probably stop for a month then start again. I'm an asshole I guess...
● I take the train to work each morning and then again to get home. I like to sit in the quiet car because it allows me to think and do a little extra work each day. On the train ride home today a woman in front of me kept talking on the phone even after people nicely asked her to be quiet. The conductor also came through and informed her she was on a quiet car.
The seats we are in have very little support so someone behind you could push your seat and you'd feel it. Several riders decided it wasn't worth it and switched cars. I decided I had enough and slouched far enough so both of my knees were firmly in the back of her seat pushing fairly hard. She cocked her head around and told me to put my knees down. I closed my eyes and fake slept.
She got up and moved to a different seat. There was a person behind her and guess what he did? Knees to the back of the chair. People started catching on and she chose a seat with no one behind her. Another rider changed seats behind her and she got some more knees.
The conductor came through again and was unaware of our little revenge. She got up and told him that people were putting knees into her back and stalking her to each spot. The conductor put his index finger to his lips and said "Shhhh, this is a quiet car."
She moved to a new train car.
● Personally, back when I was at high school this girl caused me quite a lot of trouble throughout the years there by spreading rumours and causing my friends to turn against me.
Fortunately I was put in charge of designing the yearbook for our final year. I ended up cropping her out of pictures, sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious (like leave her leg showing but another picture on top). On other pictures where I couldn't easily crop her out, I just blurred out her face. It was very subtle and I was worried someone would notice before it went to print, but it managed to slip through and end up in the final book, which I have around here somewhere.
Needless to say, the day I walked out of school when everyone got their final grades and yearbooks was a great day for me.
● To be clear I am a male (sorry to ruin any dreams).
Basically, I haven't had the greatest landlord and have gotten screwed over a few times by him but never really did anything about it.
So now I am moving out in the next few months, and he has been showing my place to potential new tenants and the rate of showings is getting rather annoying. So this evening I thought it would be a good time to send a clear message that I have had enough of the showings.
I was given the standard notice of when they were going to be coming by, but I wasn't going to let that interrupt my "schedule". So when the landlord opened the door to show the prospective tenants in, the first thing the see is me doing the side-plank pose naked as the day I was born. The look of horror on the lady's face when she saw me was priceless. Long story short, to say the only thing that was shown was my naked glory, and a very bewildered landlord. I am still waiting for his response to my interpretation of a "showing"
● I was staying in an older hotel in San Francisco. The elevator was very small, very old school and had signage everywhere about how
you couldn't operate it with more than 4 people. I'd also been stuck in there twice already that weekend (the elevator would stop between floors). Each time, I called the front desk and they were able to recall it to the ground floor but I'd learned to be wary.
I should have started taking the stairs, but was on the 8th floor and was feeling lazy. So on Sunday morning I waited for the elevator for quite a while (it was pretty slow). It arrives, I hop in and a family of 5 walks up to the elevator and follows me in. They were all large people and they all had huge suitcases. I politely pointed out the sign and said that I'd already been stuck in the elevator twice and that we should split the group into two. They laughed and said they were all staying on. Welp, I thought, enjoy your ride.
I proceeded to run up the stairs and hit the call button on every single floor. The best part was that I could hear them complaining from the stairwell every time the elevator opened and nobody was there. Petty revenge never felt so good.
● I was in a big meeting (50 managers/supervisors) and two high level guys made fun of my car (Subaru Outback) in their presentation. I had access to their personal info (phone numbers, address, emails) and sent it to the Subaru sales group, asking for a test drive/quotes/etc. They got spammed pretty well for a while.
● I cheated on my ex during our relationship and she found out shortly after we broke up. She's blocked me on everything, but briefly unblocks me every Monday to send me "Game of Thrones" spoilers before I can watch it.
Crni Guja: Da vidimo jeste li razumeli. Večeras ćemo ovde imati dve zabave.
Persi: Tako je.
Boldrik: Tako je.
Crni Guja: I moraju biti sasvim odvojene.
Obojica: Tako je.
Crni Guja: Prva će biti totalna pijanka s bacanjem piva, razbijanjem i povraćanjem od zida do zida. Održaće se u Boldrikovoj spavaćoj sobi.
Boldrik: Hvala, gospodaru.
Crni Guja: Osobu kakvu tražimo je agresivni pijanica s inteligencijom 4-godišnjaka i seksualnom profinjenošću magarca. Kardinal Volsi.
Kraljica: Lord Melčet zapravo ne podnosi piće.
Melčet: Madam, protestujem! Možda sam malo slabašan jutros, ali ono što sam sinoć popio oborilo bi i nosoroga!
Kraljica: Alergičan je na limunadu.
Kraljica: Ja sam kraljica Engleske. Možda imam telo slabe i nemoćne žene, ali imam srce i stomak betonskog slona.
- Prošle godine ujna me je molila za pomoć u plaćanju otkupnine za mog ujaka Osrika.
- Onda znate kakav je to strašan bol
- Ne mogu predložiti bolji odgovor od onog koji sam dao njoj.
- A to je?
- "Goni se"!
Kraljica: Melči, sasvim sam promenila mišljenje o onom Forestu. Očito je vrlo glup, ali ne možemo kažnjavati ljude zbog toga. Ako bismo kažnjavali, dadilja bi bila u zatvoru celog života.
- Bože! Šta sam pio sinoć? Imam osećaj kao da mi Francuz živi u glavi.
- I zaista nema ni traga Edmundu?
- Bojim se da nema.
- Onda je naprosto iščezao. Kao stari hrastov sto.
- Iščezao, lorde Persi, ne ispolirao.
- Izvinite, ali hrastov sto mog ujaka Bertrama je iščezao. Bilo je to u noći velikog požara u Stepneju. Te užasne noći njegova kuća i sve stvari su iščezle. U stvari, i on je. To je bila zbunjujuća misterija.