Nedelja, 24. XII 2006.
ovom broju donosimo: 2.
Chuck Norris Facts
tvrdnje o Čaku Norisu
odgovori iz istoimene knjige 4. Obavijest
vezi novogodišnje proslave u firmi
29 stvari koje
gejmer ne bi trebao da radi posle
30-e 7. Čestitka
čitaocima za Božić
lapsusa, bisera, odvala i uzrečica izrečenih na časovima
matematike, informatike i na ekskurziji (1512-1562)
U ovom broju donosimo:
2. Chuck Norris Facts (2/2)
Dokazane tvrdnje o Čaku Norisu
Dečji odgovori iz istoimene knjige
U vezi novogodišnje proslave u firmi
29 stvari koje gejmer ne bi trebao da radi posle 30-e
Čestitka čitaocima za Božić
Zbirka lapsusa, bisera, odvala i uzrečica izrečenih na časovima matematike, informatike i na ekskurziji (1512-1562)
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris,
not the box jellyfish of northern
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If
he happens to misspell a word,
85. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
86. Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant. He just doesn't put up with lactose's shit.
87. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
88. Chuck Norris doesn't eat. Rather he kicks ass until he's full.
90. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what "his way" detailed, he replied: "with barbed wire and nails, of course". He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
91. Chuck Norris never "gets laid", rather: "laid gets Chuck".
92. Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying "there isn't enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member". He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.
93. Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris
94. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
95. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
96. Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
97. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
98. On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."
99. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
100. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
101. Chuck Norris won "Jumanji" without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
|102. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive
re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000
degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and
him a beer.|
103. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
104. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
105. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
After much debate, President Truman
decided to drop the atomic bomb on
107. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
108. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan
O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "
110. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
111. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
112. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
113. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
114. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
115. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
116. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
117. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
118. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
119. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
120. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
121. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 roundhouse kick to the face..
1. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA
Želim Vas sve srdačno pozvati za naš ovogodišnji Božićni tulum koji će biti 20. XII u "Argentina Steakhouse". Uz malu glazbenu grupu pjevat ćemo poznate Božićne pjesme, a naš poslovođa će upaliti Božićna svjetla na boru kostimiran kao Djed Mraz!
Veselim se Vašem dolasku i želim Vama i Vašim obiteljima mirno vrijeme adventa.
Voditelj Human Resources
2. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA
Voditelj Human Resources
3. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMAJavljam se na diskretan ukaz jednog člana anonimnih liječenih alkoholičara koji zahtijeva "suhi" stol. Drago mi je da mogu ispuniti ovu želju, ali ukazujem da anonimnost time više neće biti sto posto garantirana...
Voditelj Human Resources
7. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA
Uspio sam rezervirati stol svim članovima udruge "Kontrolirana prehrana" daleko od švedskog stola, a svim trudnicama stol blizu toaleta. Pederi smiju sjesti zajedno. Lezbijke ne moraju sjesti s pederima nego će imati stol za sebe. Naravno pederi će dobiti aranžman cvijeća za njihov stol. Jeste li napokon svi zadovoljni?
9. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA
Naravno da ćemo zaštiti i nepušače od pušača i koristit ćemo težak zastor koji može odvojiti dvoranu tuluma te ćemo smjestiti pušače u šator.
10. XIIVegetarijanci! Vas sam čekao! Boli me kurac da li Vam se sviđa ili ne: ići ćemo u Steakhaus!!! Možete ako želite letjeti na Mjesec da biste sjeli 20. XII što je moguće dalje od "grilla smrti" kako Vi to nazivate. Hranite se salatama iz salad bara i požderite sve sirove rajčice!
PS: I rajčice imaju osjećaje, deru se kad ih režemo, već sam ih čuo kako se deru, hahahaha! Želim Vam svima kurčev Božić, napijte se i poginite!!!!
Ful-budala s trećeg kata koji S VAMA izgubi svoje vrijeme.
14. XII DRAGI SURADNICE I SURADNICI
Kako smo saznali gospodin Meier-Eiergeist je već puno bolje. Rukovodstvo sanatorija je odlučilo da ćemo ga već za nekoliko mjeseci moći posjetiti.
vd Voditelj Human Resources
PS: Božićni tulum 20. XII je otkazan.
he ESA says that the average gamer is 30 years old. It's time that those of us who are 30 or older realize that some of the things we grew up doing as gamers are no longer really appropriate, cool, or kosher given our new demographic bucket. Here, then, is a helpful guide to 29 things a gamer should never do past the age of 30.
1. Participate in LAN parties with minors
2. Quit your job to pursue a pro-gaming career
3. Start a Star Wars themed PC case mod in the living room
4. Ever use the jargon OMG, BBQ and WTF together in the same phrase
5. Pirate games - shouldn't you have an income by now?
6. Find the idea of teamkilling funny
7. Choose a female avatar so that you can try to upskirt her
8. Refuse to play games that are rated lower than mature
9. Tea-bag a downed opponent in Halo 2
10. Play any game with Princess Toadstool in it
11. Choose a gamer handle including any form of the words "hell," "killer," "death," or "-inator"
12. Yell "pwnt" in a public virtual space
13. Play a female character in an MMOG in order to troll for "Crying Game" victims
14. Disconnect when losing at Starcraft or any other RTS
15. Ninja loot
16. Get your gaming news from a print publication
17. Replace the letter S with a dollar sign when writing Microsoft, Sony, or PlayStation
18. Live in your parents' basement to support a gaming habit
19. Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game
20. Try to win an argument in a gaming forum
21. Pretend that movies like Doom and Tomb Raider are anything but crap
22. Carry softcore anime porn on your PSP to show the guys at work
23. Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects
24. Play competitively against anyone under the age of 10
25. Read or write fanfiction
26. Yell or type, "Laggg" when losing an online game
27. Bogart the controller
28. Work at GameStop "just for the discount"
29. Type liek JeffK
Original je na http://www.joystiq.com/entry/1234000733067601/
1513. (Jedan Čvorkovov zadatak): Imaš dve cevi, koje pune bazen… Koliko napune bazena za jedan sat?
1514. Vidiš ovaj zadatak pod X - 2X?
1515. U osnovnoj školi u 17. razredu
1516. Brzinu i V mogu da obeležavam kako ja hoću
1518. Ja sam im video samo trojicu koji su to mogli da urade
1519. Nlolić (Lolić)
1520. Koliko se dobije rešenje ispod digitrona?
1521. Ovo ova jede isto jednom isto
1523. Mijatoviću… (obraća se Ignjatoviću)
1524. Vrati se na početak početka
1525. Na kontrolnom će biti isti zadatak samo menjam zadatke
1527. Manđić (Mandić)
1528. Kad se neko tipka…
1529. Polako u sebi razmišljaš kako računar radi i polako obrćeš situaciju
1530. Nemoj ništa da se ne poplašiš
1531. - Jelena, ti ga nemaš!
- Imam ga!!!
1532. Jelena, ti ga nemaš, ali nema veze zato što ti imaš knjigu iz matematike
1533. To se zovelo
1534. Moj se kaže
1535. Biraj bilo koji zadatak pod Đ
1536. Sad se vrati u sve
1537. One se znovu
1538. To je negativnije po apsolutnoj vrednosti
1539. Kolko koto kod tebe u zadatku
1540. Svi slušajte, sada govorim pravilno!!!
1541. Dađe (da dođe)
1543. A. Cad (= sad)
1544. Vidiš se jednačina
1545. Pogrešio je u na brojanju
1546. Više pusta
1547. Ja uvek spustim brojeve dole, a ona ih pusti
1548. Znački (znači)
1549. Veš (već)
1550. Krstane, iz kr… iz knjige
1551. U knjigi… zi
1552. A. Podrazuva
1553. Stavim da je X1 pozitivno, a X2 negativno, ili zamenim da bude X1 prvo, a X2 drugo
1555. Optimalni olgoritam
1556. Ti hoćeš meni polako dok oni rešavaju
1557. Borkovac, ja te želim da popraviš ocenu
1558. Jedno njeno osobino
1559. Otvori minus
1560. Ko je nije kući nauči
1561. Ovo je grupa jednaka i druga
1562. Pričaj, ne vi… čujem te