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Nedelja, 24. XII 2006.

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U ovom broju donosimo:

2. Chuck Norris Facts (2/2)               Engleski jezik

            Dokazane tvrdnje o Čaku Norisu

4. Olovka piše srcem

            Dečji odgovori iz istoimene knjige

4. Obavijest

            U vezi novogodišnje proslave u firmi

6. Gejmer posle 30-e                          Engleski jezik

            29 stvari koje gejmer ne bi trebao da radi posle 30-e

7. Čestitka

            Čestitka čitaocima za Božić

7. Radoslav Čvorkov

            Zbirka lapsusa, bisera, odvala i uzrečica izrečenih na časovima matematike, informatike i na ekskurziji (1512-1562)

 Reklama za časopis "Milenio"

CHUCK NORRIS FACTS (2/2)

 81. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

82. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

83 Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

84. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

85. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

86. Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant. He just doesn't put up with lactose's shit.

Pas posle žurke

87. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

88. Chuck Norris doesn't eat. Rather he kicks ass until he's full.

89. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

90. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what "his way" detailed, he replied: "with barbed wire and nails, of course". He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

91. Chuck Norris never "gets laid", rather: "laid gets Chuck".

92. Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying "there isn't enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member". He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

93. Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris

94. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.

95. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

96. Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

97. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

98. On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

99. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.

100. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

101. Chuck Norris won "Jumanji" without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Autor: Nik Titanik
102. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

103. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

104. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

105. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

106. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

107. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

108. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

109. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

110. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

 111. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

112. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

113. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

114. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

115. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

116. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

117. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

118. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

119. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

120. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

121. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 roundhouse kick to the face..

OBAVIJEST

1. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

            Želim Vas sve srdačno pozvati za naš ovogodišnji Božićni tulum koji će biti 20. XII u "Argentina Steakhouse". Uz malu glazbenu grupu pjevat ćemo poznate Božićne pjesme, a naš poslovođa će upaliti Božićna svjetla na boru kostimiran kao Djed Mraz!

            Veselim se Vašem dolasku i želim Vama i Vašim obiteljima mirno vrijeme adventa.

 Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist

Voditelj Human Resources

OLOVKA PIŠE SRCEM

             UNUK

● Unuk je jedan što dreči

● Unuk je čovek koji ima dedu

● To je jedan što ima cuclu

● Jedan što ima mala kolica

● Unuk je reč malecka

● Jedno dete što je celo mokro

● I unuk je neki čovek

● To je dete od dedine snaje

● Unuk je od moga dede otac moj pa sam ja njemu unuk

● Unuk je možda po sina sin na dedu

● Unuk sam ja kad odem na selo

● Unuk je kad neko ide da kupuje pelene

● Kad se rodi drugo dete pa ga vole, a tebe ne vole više

● Imali smo i mi unuka. To sam ja kad sam bio mali

● To je jedan koji ima eksere u džepovima

● Jedan što mu daju svašta, a tebi ne daju

● Jedna što ima raznu rodbinu

● Unuk je muški čovek

● Unuk je što baba čuva

● Unuk je babina ćerka

● Unuk je zlato babino

2. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

             Naravno ni u kojem slučaju naš jučerašnji poziv ne bi trebao izolirati naše turske suradnike. Svjesni smo da njihovi blagdani nisu isti kao i naši te ćemo zato od sada naše okupljenje zvati "tulum prije kraja godine". Također neće biti bora niti ćemo pjevati božićne pjesme. Želim Vama i Vašim obiteljima lijepo vrijeme.

Jelen i Sneško

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist

Voditelj Human Resources

3. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

            Javljam se na diskretan ukaz jednog člana anonimnih liječenih alkoholičara koji zahtijeva "suhi" stol. Drago mi je da mogu ispuniti ovu želju, ali ukazujem da anonimnost time više neće biti sto posto garantirana...
Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist

Voditelj Human Resources

7. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

            Uspio sam rezervirati stol svim članovima udruge "Kontrolirana prehrana" daleko od švedskog stola, a svim trudnicama stol blizu toaleta. Pederi smiju sjesti zajedno. Lezbijke ne moraju sjesti s pederima nego će imati stol za sebe. Naravno pederi će dobiti aranžman cvijeća za njihov stol. Jeste li napokon svi zadovoljni?

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist

Voditelj Ludnice

 

9. XII - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

            Naravno da ćemo zaštiti i nepušače od pušača i koristit ćemo težak zastor koji može odvojiti dvoranu tuluma te ćemo smjestiti pušače u šator.

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist

Voditelj Ludnice

 

10. XII

            Vegetarijanci! Vas sam čekao! Boli me kurac da li Vam se sviđa ili ne: ići ćemo u Steakhaus!!! Možete ako želite letjeti na Mjesec da biste sjeli 20. XII što je moguće dalje od "grilla smrti" kako Vi to nazivate. Hranite se salatama iz salad bara i požderite sve sirove rajčice!
PS: I rajčice imaju osjećaje, deru se kad ih režemo, već sam ih čuo kako se deru, hahahaha! Želim Vam svima kurčev Božić, napijte se i poginite!!!!
Ful-budala s trećeg kata koji S VAMA izgubi svoje vrijeme.

14. XII DRAGI SURADNICE I SURADNICI
Korinđanje

            Kako smo saznali gospodin Meier-Eiergeist je već puno bolje. Rukovodstvo sanatorija je odlučilo da ćemo ga već za nekoliko mjeseci moći posjetiti.

 

Jens-Peter Müller

vd Voditelj Human Resources

 

PS: Božićni tulum 20. XII je otkazan.

GEJMER POSLE 30

Slovo The ESA says that the average gamer is 30 years old. It's time that those of us who are 30 or older realize  that some of the things we grew up doing as gamers are no longer really appropriate, cool, or kosher given  our new demographic bucket. Here, then, is a helpful guide to 29 things a gamer should never do past the age of 30.

 

1. Participate in LAN parties with minors

2. Quit your job to pursue a pro-gaming career

3. Start a Star Wars themed PC case mod in the living room

4. Ever use the jargon OMG, BBQ and WTF together in the same phrase

5. Pirate games - shouldn't you have an income by now?

6. Find the idea of teamkilling funny

7. Choose a female avatar so that you can try to upskirt her

8. Refuse to play games that are rated lower than mature

9. Tea-bag a downed opponent in Halo 2

10. Play any game with Princess Toadstool in it

11. Choose a gamer handle including any form of the words "hell," "killer," "death," or "-inator"

12. Yell "pwnt" in a public virtual space

13. Play a female character in an MMOG in order to troll for "Crying Game" victims

14. Disconnect when losing at Starcraft or any other RTS

15. Ninja loot

16. Get your gaming news from a print publication

17. Replace the letter S with a dollar sign when writing Microsoft, Sony, or PlayStation

18. Live in your parents' basement to support a gaming habit

19. Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game

ČESTITKA

             Svim katoličkim čitaocima i čitateljkama želimo SREĆAN BOŽIĆ!

 

Vaša redakcija

20. Try to win an argument in a gaming forum

21. Pretend that movies like Doom and Tomb Raider are anything but crap

22. Carry softcore anime porn on your PSP to show the guys at work

23. Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects

24. Play competitively against anyone under the age of 10

25. Read or write fanfiction

26. Yell or type, "Laggg" when losing an online game

27. Bogart the controller

28. Work at GameStop "just for the discount"

29. Type liek JeffK

 

Original je na http://www.joystiq.com/entry/1234000733067601/

rč

 

1512. Rešinja

1513. (Jedan Čvorkovov zadatak): Imaš dve cevi, koje pune bazen… Koliko napune bazena za jedan sat?

1514. Vidiš ovaj zadatak pod X - 2X?

1515. U osnovnoj školi u 17. razredu

1516. Brzinu i V mogu da obeležavam kako ja hoću

1517. Odat'e

1518. Ja sam im video samo trojicu koji su to mogli da urade

1519. Nlolić                 (Lolić)

1520. Koliko se dobije rešenje ispod digitrona?

1521. Ovo ova jede isto jednom isto

1522. Ponapiši

1523. Mijatoviću… (obraća se Ignjatoviću)

1524. Vrati se na početak početka

1525. Na kontrolnom će biti isti zadatak samo menjam zadatke

1526. Tastatatura

1527. Manđić   (Mandić)

1528. Kad se neko tipka…

1529. Polako u sebi razmišljaš kako računar radi i polako obrćeš situaciju

1530. Nemoj ništa da se ne poplašiš

1531.   - Jelena, ti ga nemaš!

            - Imam ga!!!

1532. Jelena, ti ga nemaš, ali nema veze zato što ti imaš knjigu iz matematike

1533. To se zovelo

1534. Moj se kaže

1535. Biraj bilo koji zadatak pod Đ

1536. Sad se vrati u sve

1537. One se znovu

1538. To je negativnije po apsolutnoj vrednosti

1539. Kolko koto kod tebe u zadatku

1540. Svi slušajte, sada govorim pravilno!!!

1541. Dađe                  (da dođe)

1542. Sizvršio

1543.   A. Cad (= sad)

            B. Šsad

1544. Vidiš se jednačina

1545. Pogrešio je u na brojanju

1546. Više pusta

1547. Ja uvek spustim brojeve dole, a ona ih pusti

1548. Znački    (znači)

1549. Veš        (već)

1550. Krstane, iz kr… iz knjige

1551. U knjigi… zi

1552.   A. Podrazuva

            B. Podražumava

1553. Stavim da je X1 pozitivno, a X2 negativno, ili zamenim da bude X1 prvo, a X2 drugo

1554. Svjašta

1555. Optimalni olgoritam

Uradi sam - Niskobudžetna jelka

1556. Ti hoćeš meni polako dok oni rešavaju

1557. Borkovac, ja te želim da popraviš ocenu

1558. Jedno njeno osobino

1559. Otvori minus

1560. Ko je nije kući nauči

1561. Ovo je grupa jednaka i druga

1562. Pričaj, ne vi… čujem te

Friz 

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