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Nedelja, 27. IV 2008.

Logo Leteći bumbar 216

U ovom broju donosimo:

2. Marksizam                Engleski jezik

            Citati Gruča Marksa

4. 10×10

            Malo enigmatike: pronađite pogrešnu reč u rečenicama (kolekcija iz starih brojeva "Politikinog Zabavnika")

6. Ove nedelje u bioskopu "Ode on"

            Film: "Finding Emo"

6. Zaglavljeni u liftu

            Dramatizovana situacija

8. Reč uredništva

            Čestitka

Batman bin Suparman

MARKSIZAM

● Whatever it is, I'm against it!

● I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

● No, my friends. No, money will never make you happy, and happy will never make you money. That might be a wisecrack, but I doubt it.

● Be free my friends. One for all and all for me, and me for you, and three for five, and six for a quarter.

● I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.

● A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

● A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

● Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

● Before I speak, I have something important to say.

● Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

● From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

● I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Natpis na majci

● I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

● Marriage is a wonderful institution ... but who wants to live in an institution?

● Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

● Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

● Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

● My favourite poem is the one that starts "Thirty days had September" because it actually tells you something.

● Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

● Time wounds all heels.

● We should pull out. Which is what Nixon's father should have done.

● Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

● When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay!

● I sent the club a wire stating: "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member".

● I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

● Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

● Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet!

● I cannot say that I do not disagree with you.

● I drink to make other people interesting.

strip

● Now, there's a man with an open mind. You can feel the breeze from here.

● Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

● If I held you any closer I'd be in back of you.

● We'll put free sheets on all the beds, there'll be no cover charge.

● Hello, Cocoanut Arms. Yes, we have a dining room. If it's fish, we have it. If it's meat, we have it. If it's fowl, we've had it too long.

● Ice water? Eat an onion that'll make your eyes water!

● I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

● As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce — and so will my wife.

● Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

● I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.

● Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.

● Baravelli, you've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

● Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

● Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!

● Chico: One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.

Groucho: That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.

● Send some roses to Mrs Upjohn and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.

● A moose is an animal with horns on the front of his head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

● Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

● Because we were a kid act, we traveled at half-fare, despite the fact that we were all around twenty. Minnie insisted we were thirteen. "That kid of yours is in the dining car smoking a cigar," the conductor told her. "And another one is in the washroom shaving." Minnie shook her head sadly. "They grow so fast."

● Blood's not thicker than money.

● Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?

● Eventually I smoked Havanas. A cigar makers' organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I don't know if that's true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

● Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.

● I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

● I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up.

● I have nothing but respect for you, and not much of that.

● I intend to live forever, or die trying.

● I made a killing on Wall Steet a few years ago...I shot my broker.

● I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.

● I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

● I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

● I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

10×10

 U ovim rečenicama jedna reč ima jedno slovo zamenjeno sa drugim. Tražimo ispravnu rečenicu.

371. Tramvajska pruga je izgrađena po novom sistemu koji će omogućiti potpuno bezumnu vožnju.

372. Iz obzira prema njenim godinama, baku smo puštali da jede drva.

373. Ukoliko oskudevate u gotovom novcu, savet našeg stručnjaka glasi: koristite zajmove i kradite.

374. Među čvorcima Botaničke bašte trojica su imala diplomu Pariskog univerziteta.

375. U izdavački plan će ući i mladi pesnici koji se sve više ritaju.

376. Za većinu sportskih novinara najsimpatičnija ekipa su zagrebački "mokri".

377. Ovakva primitivna radarska oruđa korišćena su u Srbiji kneza Miloša.

378. "Ako izlaziš iz stana" opomenu me tetka, "ne zaboravi da gurneš kljun pod otirač".

379. Zavirih u štalu. Sve je bilo u najboljem redu. Konj je mirno jeo kravu.

380. Na profesorov znak, svi učenici bez glava ulaze i sedaju u klupe.

Rešenja su na dnu strane 8.

● I'm not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

● I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

● If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

● If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me.

● If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

● If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

● In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

● It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

● It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

● It's nice to have met you, and I've got nobody to blame but myself.

● Marriage is a wonderful institution ... but who wants to live in an institution?

● Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

● My mother loved children. She would have given anything if I had been one.

Vrhpoljka
● My mother treated us all equally... with contempt.

● My son is half-Jewish. Can he wade in up to his knees? (when told that a swimming pool was off-limits to Jews)

● No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

● Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah? He used to live in whales for a while.

● Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.

● Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

● Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

● Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

● Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

● Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

● Room service? Send up a larger room.

● She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

● A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

● The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

● The only game I like to play is Old Maid — provided she's not too old.

● The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made.

● That kid's so smart, he could be the fifth Marx Brother.

● There is only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says 'yes', you know he is crooked.

● There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... retire!

● Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

● Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

● When I heard about "Hair", I was kind of curious about the six naked primates on stage. So I called up the box office and they said tickets were $11 apiece. That's an awful price to pay. I went into the bathroom at home and took off all my clothes and looked in the mirror for five minutes. And I said: "This isn't worth $11."

● Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

● Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, that's why I'm sitting here with you - because you remind me of you!

● You are a widdow? Did your husband left you some money? Answer the second question first.

● Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.

● You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

● Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

● It is better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all.

Autor: Nik Titanik

● I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

ZAGLAVLjENI U LIFTU

RAK: - Šta mu bi?

BLIZANCI: - Opa, zaglavljeni smo!

LAV: - Ma hajde, komšija, šta to pričate! Slučajno je stao.

DEVICA: - Jaoj, gde baš sada!

OVAN: - Da vidimo šta je (pritiska dugmiće).

ŠKORPIJA: - Hej, komšija, nemojte tako jako!

OVAN: - Ma nemojte! Mislite da je bolje da sedimo i čekamo?

VAGA: - Komšija, smirite se! Nije vreme za svađu!

DEVICA: - A to što smo zaglavljeni - nikom ništa. Znate li koji posao mene čeka?

JARAC: - Svi imamo neke obaveze, ali umesto što stvaramo paniku, hajde da uradimo ono što treba!

VODOLIJA: - Tako je. Mora da postoji dežurni majstor. Komšija, pritisnite crveno dugme, molim.

Never give up

BLIZANCI: - Naravno. Ne reaguje. Opa, biće veselo!

RIBE: - Vidi ti njega! Njemu je čak i zabavno!

STRELAC: - Što da ne? Nećemo valjda da kukamo?
LAV: - Slušajte me dobro! Kao prvo, da li neko od vas ima neki alat?

VODOLIJA: - Taj sam, ali još ne mogu da vidim šta je najbolje uraditi.

BIK: - Ne bih da se šalim sa tim. To je lift, a mi smo sto metara iznad zemlje.

OVAN: - Ma nemojte! Mislite da ću celu noć sedeti ovde? Ako neće milom, onda će silom (počinje da šutira vrata).

VAGA: - Komšija, smirite se! To ne smete da radite, to je opasno!

ŠKORPIJA: - Ma pustite ga! Vidite da mu fali neka daska uglavi.

OVAN: - Slušaj ti, bitango jedna! Ako želiš da razgovaraš sa mnom, treba da se ponašaš kao prema pametnijem od sebe.

ŠKORPIJA: - S tobom mogu da popričam i na jedan poseban način, a ako želiš, možemo i ovde u liftu.

LAV: - Gospodo, ne dozvoljavam ovakvo ponašanje! Ja preuzimam stvar u svoje ruke i želim da me dobro saslušate. Prvo, smirite se!

RAK: - Kako da se smirimo? Evo, već pola sata stojimo ovde bespomoćni.

DEVICA: - Tako je! Uopšte nismo svesni toga šta sve može da nam se desi.

ŠKORPIJA: - Vi radite šta hoćete, ali ja više ne mogu da izdržim. Moram da zapalim cigaretu.

RAK: - Jaoj, nemojte samo to! Ugušićemo se čoveče!

DEVICA: - Potražite otvor za ventilaciju, ovde više ne može da se diše!
OVAN: - Ma dajte da probam još jednom!

SVI SEM STRELCA: - Ne!

STRELAC: - Slažem se sa komšijom Ovnom. Ako šutiranjem odvalimo vrata lifta, možemo da se spustimo sprat niže i da izađemo iz lifta.

JARAC: - Nemojte, komšija! To ne dolazi u obzir.

RIBE: - Tako je! Ko zna šta bi sve moglo da nam se desi dok se spuštamo. Neko bi mogao da ispadne iz lifta.

VAGA: - Komšija, šta vi mislite o ovome?

BIK: - Mene pitate?

VAGA: - Da. Vidim da stojite mrtvi hladni.

BIK: - Mene ništa ne pitajte. Sada je vreme ručku (vadi sendvič). Kad se najedem, onda ću da razmiljam o liftu.

LAV: - Nemoguće! Baš sada ste gladni?

BIK: - Kada sam gladan, ja sam nervozan, a onda i ne razmišljam o teškim stvarima.
BLIZANCI: - Što se brinete? Imam karte za igranje, pa možemo da odigramo partiju. Da delim?

RAK: - Vi niste normalni!

JARAC: - Komšija, pošto ste sredili sendvič, a rekoste da imate rešenje, da čujem.

BIK: - Rešenje je jednostavno, čekaćemo dok ne stigne struja. (Lift počinje da se trese.)

RAK, DEVICA I RIBE: - Jaoj, šta je ovo?  

Natpis na majci - Hilari

BLIZANCI I STRELAC: - Počinje prava zabava!

VODOLIJA: - Našim mukama je došao kraj - stigla je struja.

STRELAC: - Sada ćemo da izađemo iz lifta i idemo kod mene na kafu. Ovo mora da se proslavi.

Reč uredništva

Svim pravoslavnim čitaocima želimo srećan Uskrs.

ХРИСТОС ВОСКРЕСЕ!

ВОИСТИНУ ВОСКРЕСЕ!

 

Rešenja "10×10" 371. bezšumnu; 372. prva; 373. kredite; 374. tvorcima; 375. čitaju; 376. modri; 377. ratarska; 378. ključ; 379. travu; 380. glasa.

Friz

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