Prethodni brojArxiwaFejsbuk stranicaMarketingGlavna stranicaSledeći broj

=●=

Nedelja, 30. V 2010.

Logo Leteći bumbar #325 

U ovom broju donosimo:

2. Reč uredništva

            Povodom otvaranje Stranice na FB

2. Bundy, Al Bundy                Engleski jezik

            Nekoliko odabranih rečenica iz serije "Bračne vode"

4. Špigl - dvojnici poznatih

            Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti.

5. Bonton i posledice              Tekst poslao čitalac (ili čitateljka)

            Pravila ponašanja i posledice

6. Ljubina škola

            Školovanje Ljube Moljca

7. Locirajte se!                       Engleski jezik

            Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Islamabad, Jork; 1681-1715)

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Možete od njega da napravite:

- molersku kapu

- brodić

- avion koji leti (!) …

Urednicima ostalih časopisa:

Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

Venčanje u stilu Freda Kremenka

Reč uredništva

Slovo Konačno iznenađenje koje smo vam obećali još pre dva broja! Sinoć je otvorena Inernet Stranica na  "Fejsbuku" i tamo ćemo, za početak objavljivati sadržaje najnovijih brojeva, a moći ćete i da "lajkujete" i  komentarišete (molim, bez pretnji sa bombama, oklagijama i pihtijama). Čitaoci koji su među čika-urednikovim prijateljima mogu očekivati pozivnicu. Samo prihvatite, pa ćete onda lako obrisati kad sledeći put budete pravili "veliko spremanje".

Adresa: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Casopis-Ein-Newyddion/111513125559932?ref=ts

Vaša redakcija

BUNDY, AL BUNDY

◙ Ja sam jedini muškarac na svijetu koji se treba probuditi da doživi noćnu moru.

◙ Muškarčev dom je njegov lijes.

◙ Žene - ne možeš živjeti s njima, ne možeš ih poslati u Kanadu.

◙ Žene - ne možeš živjeti s njima. Gotovo.

◙ Tako sam gladan da bi mogao pojesti povrće.

◙ Tako se dobro osjećam, da sam gotovo sretan.

◙ Vozio sam se kući. Samo Bog zna zašto...

◙ Opera nije gotova sve dok zadnji heteroseksualac ne zaspi.

◙ Posljednja stvar koju muškarac želi vidjeti na kraju dana je žena.

◙ Mrzim svoj život. Ne mogu jesti, ne mogu spavati, ne mogu zakopati ženu u dvorištu.

◙ Varanje je samo kad te uhvate.
◙ Ali Peg, vjenčani smo 17 godina - zar ne možemo biti samo prijatelji?
Venčanje u stilu Freda Kremenka

◙ Jedan dan, svi ga naživcirali. Sin, kćer, žena, pas i zazvoni mu zvono na vratima. Veli Al: "Oh God, please let it be Jehovas witnesses!!!"

◙ Uništila si mi život i sad hoćeš da mi uništiš i smrt?

◙ "A fat woman sloshed into the shoe store today. Said she was retaining water. I told her not to worry the dam of cellulite should keep us all safe for the next few years!"

◙ "A skinny woman with a hooked nose olive-oils into the shoe store and says "I want something to make me look sexy". I say "You'll have to wait a long time before someone that ugly comes in and stands next to you!!"."

◙ "A fat woman clip-clops into the shoestore today and says "I want something I can feel comfortable in." so I said "Try Wyoming!"

◙ "Then this woman comes in who doesn't speak English. She points at the shoes, I point at the door. She points at the sky and then knees me in the nay-nays!"

◙ "Let me explain. It's just like an elevator. There's a 2 ton weight limit on those shoes..."

◙ "A customer walks into the shoestore today. A tall willowy brunette. She sits down and asks to try on a pair of size 12 pumps. So I sit down there, doing my business and I notice she's wearing a garter belt which I like. All the time she'd smiling at me. Suddenly she uncrosses her legs like in Basic Instinct..... It was a guy!!!"

Osamina FB stranica

◙ "A fat woman walked into the shoe store today. She was so fat, she had three smaller women orbiting around her."

◙ "A woman comes into the shoestore today, so huge she's protected by GreenPeace. She asked for a pair of size 4 so I asked if she'd eat them here or take them home. Then she has the nerver to complain about my performance!"

◙ "A fat woman godzillas into the shoe store today, she asks for something she could wear to walk in the woods. Jokingly I suggest she wear a sign that says "Don't shoot! From the front I look human!"."

◙ "A fat woman came into the shoe store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a Christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest, ugliest tree!"

◙ A little kid and his mum are in the store. The kid says "I want a balloon" and Al replies (looking at the fat mother) "You've already got one!".

◙ If God had wanted women to bowl, he would have put their breasts on their backs so we would have something to watch while waiting our turn.

◙ Peggy: No TV, Al, we're talking.

Al: You're my wife. I will not talk to you while I have a TV.

◙ Al: Peg, kids, get ready to torture me - I'm home.

◙ Kelly: Bud, I'm gonna kill you and then I'm gonna bury you alive.

◙ Peggy: I want sex.

Al: So do I, but I see no reason to drag *you* into it.

◙ Peggy: Did you miss me?

Al: With every bullet, so far.

◙ Al: Now wait a second Peg, the kids are here. If you want to have sex, they'll have to leave. And if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave.

◙ Marcy: [imitating Al's caveman ancestors] Me no understand wheel thing. Wanna buy some shoes?

◙ Operator Recording: Your selections indicate you own a burnt sienna, mid-century Dodge with over 90.000 miles on it. If this is correct, Press 1.

[Al presses 1]

Operator Recording: Hello, Mr. Bundy.

◙ Jefferson: Al, have you ever read the book, "The Man is Always Right"?

Al: No, the wife wouldn't let me.

◙ [In Al's fantasy]

Minister: Do you, Al Bundy, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Al: Do I look that stupid to you?

◙ Bud: Dad, you can't put a dog outside in the middle of winter. It's inhumane.

Al: No Bud, inhumane would be to force him to work at a shoe store for minimum wage and then have him come home to a red-headed Shih Tzu.

◙ Al: Why do I suddenly feel I'm in the presence of great evil?

Bud: [on phone] Hi, Mom.

◙ Man: My wife and I put a penny in it every time we make love.

[smiles] We're like rabbits.

ŠPIGL – DVOJNICI POZNATIH

Okrug Dawson, SD (Američka) Džordžija  Škotski terijer

TLL 325

Al: Good. On Easter I'll dip you both in chocolate and break your heads off.

◙ Al: [referring to Peg's mother] Peg, me and the floorboards can't take your mother any more.

◙ Peggy: Daddy's our secret weapon.

Kelly: Yeah, if he leaves the bathroom door open.

◙ [a frumpy middle-aged woman walks into Al's shoe store]

Woman: I need shoes.

Al: Blacksmith's right around the corner.

◙ Peggy: Now kids; you know that Daddy has worked hard on his new room and we don't want to hurt his feelings, so, nobody laugh until I do first!

◙ Al: [entering the house] Hello Morticia, Wednesday, Pugsley...

BONTON I POSLEDICE

Slovo Knjiga u kojoj se objašnjava kako da se lepo ponašaš, a u kojoj se nudi hiljadu opcija kako da ispadneš  smešan, ili da misle da nemaš muda, ili da deluješ kao manijak ili čudak.

            Bacimo pogled na nekolicinu pravila:


Kupačica

PRAVILO: Osoba niža po položaju se ne obraća osobi višoj po položaju dok joj se ova ne obrati.
POSLEDICA: Vraćamo se u period klasnog raslojavanja. Ako si kmet, ima da ćutiš i trpiš i nikom da se ne obraćaš. 

PRAVILO: Razgovor sa muškarcem obavezno započinje žena. U prisustvu žene je poželjno smeškati se i gledati u oči.
POSLEDICA: Stojiš pored žene, ćutiš, gledaš je u oči i keziš se kao manijak, a ona se usrala, gleda kako da pobegne od tebe, misli da ćeš da je siluješ.

PRAVILO: Ako je stepenište široko, muškarac ide

ispred žene niz stepenice, a uporedo uz stepenice. Ako je stepenište usko, prednost treba dati ženama.
POSLEDICA: Penjete se uz usko stepenište, a ti pustiš komšiku da ide ispred, pa ona pomisli: "Garant hoće pod suknju da mi gvirne. Manijak!" 


PRAVILO: Ako pri ulasku u lift primetite još nekoga u hodniku, treba zadržati vrata i ponuditi im da uđu u lift.
POSLEDICA:
- Gospođice, ulazite u lift?
- Ne, hvala! (u sebi misli: Bože, hoće čovek da me u liftu napastvuje!)

PRAVILO: Prilikom vožnje liftom, treba stajati licem okrenut ka drugoj osobi.
POSLEDICA: Ona stoji i gleda se u ogledalu, a ti stao iza nje, isto se gledaš u ogledalu. Ona pomisli da hoćeš da je siluješ i prsne ti suzavac u oči.

PRAVILO: Muškarac je taj koji treba da zove konobara, ali nikako mahanjem ili dozivanjem, već očima.
POSLEDICA: Ti kolutaš očima pola sata i bečiš se konobaru, a on te ne konstatuje, pošto gleda u sise onoj ribi što sedi pored šanka.

PRAVILO: Pri dolasku na posao se obavezno pozdravljamo sa ostalima. Tokom razgovora sa kolegom se možemo interesovati za njegovu porodicu i ljubazno postaviti pitanje.

POSLEDICA:
- Kolega, šta vam radi žena?
- Šta tebe boli kurac šta mi radi žena?

 

PRAVILO: Čak i kada smo ubeđeni da naš sagovornik ne govori istinu, nikada mu ne treba reći "Lažeš!", već prećutati ili eventualno reći "Možda se varaš"..
POSLEDICA:
- Opalio sam sinoć onu komšiku. Kako je dobra, ne bi mi verovao. Triput smo se kresnuli!
- Možda se varaš.
- Ti mene malo zajebavaš?

 

PRAVILO: Kad neko kine, ne kaže se "Na zdravlje" nego "Vi kihnuste?"

POSLEDICA:

- Vi kihnuste?

- Hvala sto primetiHste.

(preuzeto sa "Vukajlije")

Voditelj "Milionera"

LjUBINA ŠKOLA

            U redu, brate, šta je sa ovim roditeljima? Samo se žale – deca neće da im idu u školu. Beže iz škole. Ja sam uvek obožavao školu. Iš'o sam svaki dan u školu, naročito kada mi lopta upadne u školsko dvorište.

            Inače, od predmeta mi je najbolje išao mali i veliki odmor. Jao, što sam to gradivo savladao! I u školi su me zvali "Vojskovođa". Imao sam mnogo jedinica.

            Inače, išao sam i u dopisnu baletsku školu i tako sam dobro igrao Belog labuda u baletu "Labudovo jezero" da je malo falilo posle predstave da me prime u zoološki vrt.

            Inače, bio sam i sjajan student. Dođem na ispit, pružim profesoru indeks i kažem: "Molim vas, profesore, upišite mi 10 da ne dolazim dva puta".

            Posle dođem da se zaposlim, pitaju me "Kol'ko imaš od škole?", ja kažem: "Prilično. Jedno pet tramvajskih stanica".

FB stranica Harija Potera

(preuzeto odavde)

LOCIRAJTE SE

¤        Vi mora da ste iz Islamabada ako… (PK, poglavlje XXXIII)
1681. You think you're better than that someone who doesnt have Islamabad club memebership

1682. You go to Karachi and you think it smells fishy

1683. You go to Lahore and you think its way too hot 

1684. You buy all your stationary from Durrani

1685. You whine when you find out that Margalla motel is not your centre

1686. You have a friend/relative in almost every street of Islamabad
1687. You think its perfectly normal to have a 4km park in the middle of the city
1688. You see the same cars every morning when going to school/work
1689. You practically live in Jinnah
1690. You practiacally live for the "Gandey" waley chips from Jinnah and dont like any other chips no matter how good they are

1691. You use to go to "Yummy 36" for ice cream because that was the only ice cream parlour in town
1692. You ditched "Yummy 36" for hot spot when it opened up because it served amazing ice cream
1693. You're proud of the fact that hot spot opened in Islamabad first then in Lahore and Karachi
1694. You used to go to "Sogo 2000" for burgers because that was the only burger joint in the city and have celebrated many birthdays there
Mladi kompjuteraš


¤        Vi mora da ste iz Jorka ako… (UK, poglavlje XXXIV)

1695. You meet up at the fountain
1696. You know the name of all the "bars" (not the drinking places)
1697. You pass the Minster every weekend but have never been in it
1698. You promise yourself you'll go on a ghostwalk but probably never will
1699. You wonder how many foreign people's photos you're in.
1700. You know what a "snickelway" is
1701. You start getting pissed off with people in walking boots and wearing backpacks, because you know they're fucking tourists.

1702. You act pissed off when a tourist asks you for directions (but you secretly love it)
1703. You know you shouldn't, but always find yourself eating at Jumbo's
1704. You know Plaggy Terry and/or have a photo with him

1705. You've seen "Janice Church" written somewhere… (who is she?)

1706. You know the only decent cinema is a thirty minute buss ride away
Ribice u kadi

1707. You still get excited when seeing the squirrels in the museum gardens
1708. You don't go to the back of the Museum Gardens because you know, invariably, you will be stabbed
1709. Having Vikings, Romans and dead people walk by you has become a matter of course and you don't give it a second thought.
1710. You've seen every single buskers act in the whole of York, but you'll still stop every now and then to watch it again.
1711. You deliberately walk behind the Zombie to make him jump at you and then act as if nothing's happened, just to impress the tourists
1712. You act as if you dont care when the river floods to the tourists, but when no one's looking, you rush over and have a look
1713. You think you know all the "shortcuts" in York, but tbh, they're always clogged up with shitty tourists
1714. You wait all year for the ice rink and you get excited, but once it's here, you realise how shit it is
1715. You stop and listen to the Christian preachers… Not because they have anyting valid to say, you just fancy some cheap laughs.

Friz

=●=

Prethodni brojArxiwaFejsbuk stranicaMarketingGlavna stranicaSledeći broj