Nedelja, 30. XI 2014./7533.
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Najsmešniji citati iz svih 5 knjiga Daglasa Adamsa
Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti
Zaključak Daglasa Adamsa
Doskočice poznatih ličnosti
Transliteracija: Strogo se zabranjuje učenicima ulazak u prostorije škole!!!
Autostoperski vodič kroz galaksiju
(Douglas Adams; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; 1979)
(prema glasovima sa sajta goodreads.com)
● For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. (6834 likes)
● Vreme je iluzija. Vreme za ručak je dvostruka iluzija. (2056 likes)
● The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. (1657 likes)
● Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? (1519 likes)
● If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. (1199 likes)
● Forde... Pretvaraš se u pingvina. Prekini. (893 likes)
● - So this is it - said Arthur, - We are going to die.
- Yes, - except... no! Wait a minute! - he suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. - What's this switch?
- What? Where? - cried Arthur, twisting round.- No, I was only fooling. - said Ford, - We are going to die after all. (826 likes)
● A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. (748 likes)
● - I refuse to prove that I exist, - says God, - for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.
- But, - says Man, - The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.
- Oh dear, - says God, - I hadn't thought of that! - and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
- Oh, that was easy. - says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing. (607 likes)
● For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. (575 likes)
● Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. (340 likes)
● - But the plans were on display…
- On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them!
- That's the display department.
- With a flashlight!
- Ah, well, the lights had probably gone.
- So had the stairs!
- But look, you found the notice, didn't you?- Yes, - said Arthur, - yes I did! It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of the Leopard." (319 likes)
● Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. (290 likes)
● - All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was.- No, - said the old man, - that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that. (279 likes)
● In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from
Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. (239 likes)
● The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. (231 likes)
● Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there, and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be. (175 likes)
● The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the "Star Spangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: "So long and thanks for all the fish."
● "And we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere… And to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys." (149 likes)● One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphood was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wasted someone
else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. (142 likes)
● Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying: "Blood... blood... blood... blood..." (113 likes)
● Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a
recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my armpit one midsummer morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My favourite bathtime gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison. (100 likes)
● Marvin: My capacity for happiness, - he added, - you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first. (85 likes)
● Something we once loved, and love now, in the shape of a book. Maybe eBooks are going to take over, one day, but not until those whizzkids in Silicon Valley invent a way to bend the corners, fold the spine, yellow the pages, add a coffee ring or two and allow the plastic tablet to fall open at a favorite page. (65 likes)
● It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives… thank you. (60 likes)
● "Don't blame you", said Marvin and counted 597 thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later. (56 likes)
● We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of 25.000:1 against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway. (35 likes)
● New York has gone. No reaction. He'd never seriously believed it existed anyway. (26 likes)
● "They discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who claimed repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be lying." (20 likes)
● "They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters." (19 likes)
● And so the problem remained: lots of people were mean, and most were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. (19 likes)
● There's no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you've had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it's far too late to start making a fuss about it now… What do you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven's sake, mankind, it's only four light years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams. (17 likes)
● A computer chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and close itself for no apparent reason. This was because Reason was in fact out to lunch. (14 likes)
● There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. (11 likes)
● "You barbarians!" - he yelled. – "I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled... until... until... until... until you've had enough." (10 likes)● "The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as "Your plastic pal who's fun to be with". The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing devision of the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes." (10 likes)
● The only person for whom the house was in any way special was Arthur Dent, and that was only because it happened to be the one he lived in. (9 likes)
● Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this - partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties. (9 likes)
● "Please relax," said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner with only one
wing and two engines one of which is on fire, "you are perfectly safe." (8 likes)
● ...and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right. (8 likes)
● If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. (5 likes)
● And to this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was so amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been connected up it had started from "I think therefore I am" and got as far as deducing the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to turn it off. (4 likes)
● "I asked him if he'd come to clean the windows and he said no he'd come to demolish the house. He didn't tell me straight away, of course. Oh no. First he wiped a couple of windows and charged me 5£. Then he told me." (3 likes)
● If you don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your major data banks and reprogram you with a very large axe, got that? (2 likes)
● The Nutri-Matic was designed and manufactured by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation whose complaint department now covers all the major landmasses of the first three planets in the Sirius Tau star system. (1 likes)
● One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day", or "You're very tall", or "Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well! Are you all right?" (1 likes)
● The Googleplex Star Thinker is a super-computer from the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity and has the ability to calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle during a five-week Dangrabad Beta sand blizzard.
The Deep Thought computer call it a pocket calculator in comparison to itself.
● You'll have a national Philosopher's strike on your hands! (1 likes)
● "Divan čovek!" – reče Artur – "Voleo bih da imam kćerku da bih mogao da joj zabranim da se uda za takvog..."
I've come out with a set of rules that describes our reaction to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you're 15 and 35 is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career on it.
3. Anything invented after you're 35 is against the natural order of things.
Ispitivao jednom David Hilbert, čuveni matematičar s kraja XIX i prve polovine XX veka nekog studenta iz geometrijske logike. Student je zasukao rukave i bacio se na pisanje svih mogućih formula i simbola sve dok nije išarao čitavu tablu.
- Kolega, da li biste sve ovo mogli da mi predstavite pomoću crteža? – zamoli ga Hilbert.
Kandidat, osokoljen profesorovom ljubaznošću, klimnu glavom i počne da crta. Ali, i crtež je ispao nekako zapetljan , a glavna konstrukcija našla se izvan table. Kako je zid bio premazan tamnom masnom bojom, profesor mu reče da slobodno nastavi. Malo-pomalo, crtajući iz sve snage, student naiđe na nepremostivu prepreku – bela vrata na kojima linije belom kredom nisu mogle da se vide. Zbunjen, on pogleda u profesora. Ovaj mu priđe, otvori vrata i pružajući mu indeks reče:
- Izvrsno, kolega! Sami ste pronašli najbolji put. Dođite mi ponovo u sledećem ispitnom roku!
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Da matematičari umeju da se našale i na sopstveni račun svedoči ova istinita anegdota koju je svom prijatelju profesoru Jelenku Mihajloviću ispričao naš poznati matematičar Mihajlo Petrović čuveniji kao Mika Alas.
- Pre neki dan sastadoh se ja sa doktorom Vladimirom Varićakom iz Hrvatske, ti ga, Jelenko, znaš, i slatko se izrazgovarasmo, ali, niti je on razumeo mene, niti ja njega!
Profesor Jelenko Mihajlović se pogladi po bradi pa upita:
- Pobogu, Miko, na kojim ste to jezicima razgovarali?
- Pa na našem, na kom bi drugom?
- Otkuda se onda niste razumeli?
- Lepo! Ja sam mu pričao o mojim funkcijama – matematičkoj fenomenologiji, a on, čovek, klima glavom, no ja dobro vidim da mu nije jasno.
- A posle, kada je on tebi stao da priča?
- Ništa bolje! Razvezao čovek o neeuklidskoj geometriji, o opštoj i specijalnoj teoriji relativnosti, a ja samo povlađujem. Ali, da me ubiješ ako pojma imam šta mi je ispričao!
- E, moj Miko! – huknu Jelenko – Ova tvoja zgoda bolje objašnjava kolika je provalija matematika, nego da si o tome napisao monografiju! [PZ #1005/1972]
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