=●=
|
|
|
Gledanje u dlan |
FTN, izra�unavanje razlike ispita |
≈5000,00 |
Student na �aru |
Pravni fakultet, prilikom ispisa sa fakulteta
svaki polo�eni ispit se pla�a |
2000,00* |
Pohovani semestar |
FTN, socijalni rok |
≈1500,00 |
Flambirani student |
Rata studentskog kredita, nikog ne interesuje
da li radite i imate da pla�ate |
≈600,00** |
Iznena�enje iz friteze |
Overa semestra |
Do 7.500,00 |
Suboti�ki dezert |
Taksa na Ekonomskom fakultetu; sedi�te
fakulteta je u Subotici i to mora da se plati |
≈25.000,00 |
Ledeni �aj |
Smrzavanje na Poljoprivrednom fakultetu u
grejnoj sezoni |
Gratis! |
Specijalitet ku�e |
Razgovor sa dekanom na Ekonomskom fakultetu |
1000,00 |
Uslu�no pe�enje |
Kupovina li�nog pribora za rad, od �etkice do
platna |
500,00 - ∞ |
Dodatne salvete |
Raznorazni formulari, potvrde, prijave, odjave,
dojave i ostali papiri |
50,00 – 500,00 |
Specijalno za asistente: |
Ho�ete da budete asistent? Za�to ne biste prvo
radili za d�aba bar jedno godinu dana? |
Gratis! |
** - pla�a se mese�no, do otplate
kredita
* - po ispitu
Nacionalni savet za saradnju sa Rusijom i Kinom, formiran da bi se negde smestili biv�i predsednik Tomislav Nikoli� i njegovi saradnici, navodno je po�eo sa radom. Niko ne zna �ime se ti ljudi bave i ima li nekih rezultata, ali prve plate su po�ele da le�u na ra�une zaposlenih.
Ali,
kako nezvani�no saznajemo, za zbrinjavanje brojnih neraspore�enih
kadrova u
planu je formiranje jo� nekoliko sli�nih tela:
- Najpre Direkcija za ugradnju venecijanera i
trakastih zavesa iz koje bi trebalo da "nikne" i Agencija za roletne. - U planu je i formiranje Fonda za za�titu
kengura, kolibrija i koala kako bi ove vrste mogle neometano da �ive u
Srbiji. - Ne�e se odustati ni od osnivanja Agencije za
fotokopiranje i kori�enje. - Agencije za smi�ljanje bezveznih imena
agencija, kao i Agencije za ugradnju freona u fri�idere. - Agencija za kaktuse i Direkcija za band�i-d�amping tako�e su u planu, ba� kao i Agencija za ribolova�ke mamce koju forsira jak lobi pecaro�a u mutnom. - Da bi ovaj posao bio obavljen kako treba, bi�e oformljena Agencija za formiranje agencija, kojoj �e biti dodat Fond za razvoj novih Agencija, Direkcija za kablovsku televiziju, kao i Kancelarija za horoskopska istra�ivanja. |
|
Sva ova novooformljena tela mogla bi da budu i rezervni polo�aj za zaposlene u Nacionalnom savetu za saradnju sa Rusijom i Kinom, jer uskoro bi moglo da se ispostavi kako je, za razliku od Agencije za roletne ili Direkcije za band�i-d�amping, ovaj Savet potpuno nepotreban.
(Aleksandar Stojadinovi�; "Blic" 23. XII 2017.)
Symptom |
Fault |
Action |
Feet cold and wet. |
Glass being held at incorrect angle. |
Rotate glass so that open end points towar ceiling. |
Feet warm and wet. |
Improper bladder control. |
Stand next to nearest dog. Complain about house
training. |
Beer unusually palle and tasteless. |
Glass empty. |
Get someone to buy you another beer. |
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. |
You have fallen over backward. |
Have yourself leashed to bar. |
Mouth contains cigarette butts. |
You have fallen forward. |
See above. |
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. |
Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of
face. |
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. |
Floor blurred. |
You are looking through bottom of empty glass. |
Get someone to buy you another beer. |
Floor moving. |
You are being carried out. |
Find out if you are being taken to another bar. |
Room seems unusualy dark. |
Bar has closed. |
Confirm home address with bartender. |
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures. |
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. |
Cover mouth. |
Everyone looks up to you and smiles. |
You are dancing on the table. |
Fall on somebody cushy-looking. |
Beer is crystal-clear. |
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. |
Punch him. |
Hand hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. |
You have been in a fight. |
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them. |
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in. |
You've wandered into the wrong party. |
See if they have free beer. |
Your singing sounds disorted. |
The beer is too weak. |
Have more beer until your voice improves. |
Don't remember the words to the song. |
Beer is just right. |
Play "air guitar". |
Units |
Language level |
|
1
pint of beer |
No
change to your English |
|
2
pints of beer |
Your
English goes up a level |
|
3
pints of beer |
Your
English goes up a level (but the grammar disappears) |
|
4
pints of beer |
You
become very fluent, but start mixing English with your own language |
|
5
pints of beer |
You
discover you can sing in English, and are brilliant at karaoke |
|
6
pints of beer |
You suddenly know lots of taboo words in English (fortunately, no-one else seems to understand them) |
|
7
pints of beer |
You
can't speak English at all (and also forget your own language) |
|
over 7 (danger
zone!) |
You
start speaking American English |