EN859 - Nedelja, 29. III 2026.
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Nema te više, Norise Čače Zbog tog se svima od tuge plače. Norisa Čaka svet će da žali. Noris će Čak nam svima da fali. Znala je dobro protuva svaka Da se ne čačka sa Norisa Čaka. S Norisa Čaka kuj se pobio Taj je po pičci odma' dobio. Ne beše nikad ruka, bre, laka U našeg strašnog Norisa Čaka. Noge još teže njemu bejaše I mlogi od njih, bre, najebaše. Znali su svi, bre, Norise Čače, S Norisem Čakem da se ne kače. Nisu ti mogli, Norise Čake Ništa sas motke ni sas nunčake. Ripao ti si, Norise Čače Spretnije, višlje bre, nego mače. Tebi bre, niko, Norise Čače Od svih zlotvora bre, ne umače. Taki si bio ti od početka Tebe je, Čače, rodila tetka Jer nikad, Čače, niko bre tebe Nije bre smeo majku da jebe. |
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Koga pesnica tvoja bre, tače
E taj se više bre, ne pomače.
Na koga Čak je samo kinuo
Taj je na mesto tu poginuo.
Sklekove kada radio ti si
Dizao sebe ti, Čače nisi.
Već se pod tobom zemlja spuštala.
Čak da je gura, dobro je znala.
Jači si bio, Norise Čače
Nego sve četri nindže kornjače.
Rokstedi, Bibop, Sekač il' Splinter
Za njih si bio strašniji neg' šinter.
Opasan Čače, mlogo si bio.
Korona virus masku nosio
Da se od Čaka Norisa brani
Da ga Čak Noris bre, ne sa'rani!
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Istine ima u onem vicu: Kamena dva sas jednu pticu Noris je Čak bre, mogo d'ubije, Za njega bilo to ništa nije. Kad se u šumu Čak pojavio Medved se mrtav odma' pravio. Norisa Čaka kobra ujela, Nakon pet dana kobra umrela. Mog'o je Čak bre, da digne tonu I da na ladnem sedi betonu. Da nije gladan d' ubedi babu Imao nije Čak tačku slabu. Trebalo tebi, Norise Čače Po zimi nije nikad grunjače. Ovo bre, nije fora ni šala: Zima pred Čakom od stra' dr'ćala. |
Šale ne beše s Norisom Čakom
Koga je puko on svojom šakom.
Sedmo koleno tome je malo
Glavom u levo zbog tog trzalo.
Plašila Čaka se Babaroga
Pa je pod krevet, stalno, zbog toga
Gledala često rogata baka
Da tamo nema Norisa Čaka.
Preciznos' bila Norisu Čaku
Precizna bre, u picinu dlaku
Koga god Čak je nanišanio
Taj se od Čaka nije sakrio.
Znao je Čak bre, strašno da lema
Zato na Marsu života nema.
Nekad je tamo Čak Noris bio.
Tamo je bio i sve pobio.
Da je još malo ovde ostao
Ni ovaj svet bre, ne bi opstao.
Došlo bi ovde do sveta smaka
Da ne ostasmo bez Noris Čaka.
Rajska kapijo, sad otvori se,
Ti kroz nju prođi, Čače Norise
Smrt nas sve stiže, smrt nas sve briše.
Besmrtan nije ni Čak, šta više.
Autor: Mickey Erdbob
Odabrani citati stend-ap komičara Stivena Rajta. Njegov smisao za humor je nešto između doskočica i mudrih filozofskih zaključaka.
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1. Ubio bih za Nobelovu nagradu za mir! 2. Pozajmljujte novac od pesimista. Oni ga ionako ne očekuju nazad. 3. Polovina ljudi koje znate su ispod proseka. 4. 99% advokata bruka svoju profesiju. 5. 82,7% svih statistika su izmišljene u istom momentu. 6. Ako bi kola išla brzinom svetlosti, da li bi farovi radili? 7. Čista savest je obično znak lošeg pamćenja. 8. Ako ne uspete iz prve, onda padobranstvo nije za vas. 9. Svi oni koji veruju u psihokinezu, neka podignu moju ruku. 10. Prva ptica možda i uhvati crva, ali drugi miš sigurno uzima sir. 11. Malo je falilo da budem sa vidovitom devojkom… ali me je ostavila pre nego što smo se uopšte i sreli. 12. Svi imaju fotografsko pamćenje, ali neki nemaju film. 13. Kakav je osećaj kada vam ponestane nevidljivog mastila? 14. Ako vam sve ide savršeno, onda ste očigledno nešto propustili. 15. Što je hladnija ploča rentgen aparata, to više vašeg tela treba da se prisloni na nju. 16. Kada sve ide vama u susret, onda ste u pogrešnoj traci na autoputu.17. Ambicija je bedan izgovor za to što nemate dovoljno osećaja za lenjost. 18. Trud se isplati kasnije. Lenjost se isplati odmah. 19. Nameravam da živim zauvek… Zasad mi dobro ide. |
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20. Ako je Barbika toliko popularna, zašto moramo da kupujemo prijatelje za nju?
21. Ako se ukrade ideja od jedne osobe – to se zove "plagijat". Ako se ukrade od više osoba, to se zove "istraživanje".
22. Tvrdoća margarina je proporcionalna mekoći hleba.
23. Automehaničar mi je rekao: "Nisam uspeo da ti popravim kočnice, pa sam ti zato pojačao sirenu."
24. Ako ne uspeš iz prve, uništi sve dokaze da si pokušao.
25. Zaključak je ona tačka gde si već umoran od razmišljanja.
26. Iskustvo je nešto što nećeš dobiti sve dok ti ne zatreba.
Nije to bila diskusija, nego je korisnik @а-book-of-creatures govorio o istorijskim činjenicama, a ostali su ga nagovarali da još priča. A sve je počelo tako što je neko okačio sliku grčkog pravoslavnog sveštenika sa dva delfina.
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- Better than the 1596. Marseille dolphin exorcism, I suppose. - The what? - In 1596 dolphins were infesting the port of Marseille. Back in those days, dolphins didn't have the cuddly image they enjoy today. They were pests and were causing damage. So the cardinal of Avignon sent the bishop of Cavaillon to do something about them. In front of a huge crowd, the bishop sprinkled some holy water into the waters of the port and told the dolphins to begone. Whereupon the dolphins indeed turned tail in terror and fled, and were never seen again. Still not as dramatic as Saint Bernard excommunicating the flies though. - What happened to the flies?
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- Saint Bernard of Clairvaux built a monastery in 1124, but it was plagued by flies. So the good saint promptly excommunicated them. By the next day the flies had died in such quantities that they had to be shoveled out. Still not as nutty as the Basel rooster trial though.
- (everyone in unison) Umm… What rooster trial?
- In 1474, a rooster in Basel did the heinous and unspeakable act of laying an egg. As everyone knows, an egg laid by a rooster will hatch into a basilisk (or cockatrice). So, to avoid the creation of a cockatrice (or basilisk), the rooster was tried, found guilty, and burned at the stake along with its egg. A huge crowd was present. The "rooste" in this case was likely a hen that developed male characteristics (it happens).
Still not as properly legal as the Savigny pig trial though.
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- OK, clearly you want and excuse to talk about the pig thing, and I now desperately want to hear about the pig thing, so please tell us abot the Pig thing! - In 1457 a sow killed Jehan Martin, a five-year-old boy in Savigny. For that crime she was put on trial and judged guilty and sentenced to hanged from a tree. Her piglets, however, were judged to have been innocent of the murder, and so were returned to the owner, with the caveat that he had to surrender them to the law if they were later found to have eaten any of the boy. Not to be confused with a whole bunch of other, similar porcine trials. I won't mention the 1454 excommunication of eels in Lake Geneva then. - OK, what did the eels do. And more pressingly, why were they in communion with the church in the first place. - Animals are expected to be part of the Church by default. That's why they take excommunication so badly. Felix Hemmerlin's treatis on exorcism, cited by e.g. Wagner's »Historia naturalis Helvetiæ« (1680) informs us that around 1221-1229, eels once infested Lage Geneva in huge numbers. So Saint William, bishop of Lausanne, excommunicated them and banned them from the lake, forcing them to live in only one part of it. |
Plot twist: as far as we know, Saint William was never bishop of Lausanne.
- There's no way yo have historical Christianity nonsense more silly than this to share!
- I've been trying to stay on bradn and talk about animals only, but sure… Few intersections of Christianity and the legal system get sillier than… "The cadaver synod".
Pope Formosus ("Good-looking") was pope from 891 to 896, and apparently accumulated a few enemies. After his successor Boniface VI enjoyed all of a 15 day papacy, the next pope elected was Stephen VI. And he hated Formosus!
How much? He had the corpse of Formosus exhumed, dressed up in papal vestments and put on trial for his failing as a pope. End result? Formuss was found guilty of papal fail. The corpse was stripped of its clothes and dupmed in th Tiber.
Needless to say Stephen VI came to a sticky end. An angry mob deposed him, he was strangled in prison, and Formosus's corpse was fished up and reburied with honors. And the later popes passed edicts ensuring this kind of sillines would not happen again.
Tune in next time whe I tell you about how a lawyer defended a city's entire rat population.
- Please, the rats… Give us the rast. I beg…
- The story of the rats of Autun is also the story of Barthelémy de Chasseneuz (or Chassenée, etc.), a higly original and higly talented defence lawyer. When the town of autun was infested rats in the early 1500s, they were accused of eating the province's barley crop and were duly summoned to be judged in an ecclesiastical court of law. Chasseneuz was the defense attorney.
How do you defend an entire swarm of rats? You don't, is the answer. You delay. Chasseneuz's original defense was "My clients live all over the place. One summons won't be enough." So he got a court summons to be posted in all the infested parishes.
When the rats didn't show up after elapsed time delay, Chasseneuz proceeded to explain at length why. The rats didn't come to court, he said, because of their enemies the cats, which are everywhere and always vigilant and hungry. "You cannot expect my clients to undertake a journey which would put them in mortal danger!" – he argued in complete seroiusness – "Thus they have the legal right to turn down a summons that endangers them!".
As far as we know, the rats never did appear in court, and remained unprosecuted.
Chasseneujz went on to have a distinguished career as a lawyer and was allegeldy killed by a poisoned bouquet of flowers.
- Anyone else picturing @а-book-of-creatures sitting in a tavern, significantly tapping their glass every time someone begs for a story, noting that telling stories sure is thirsty work…
Pronađite na slikama 9 jugoslovenskih bendova. Namerno nećemo da kažemo "bivše Jugoslavije", pošto je to pleonazam. Rešenja su na dnu zadnje strane.
Rešenje kviza:
Bijelo dugme, YU grupa, Leb i sol;
Zabranjeno pušenje, Riblja čorba, Divlje jagode;
Ekaterina Velika, Kerber, Parni valjak.
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